Saturday, April 30, 2005

Things I'll admit #22 & #23

I don't like to spend money if I don't have to. That's why the idea of bottled water is like kryptonite to me. Hmmmm. Comes from tap for free. Comes in bottle for a buck fifty. Both are 2 parts hydrogen and 1 part sweet, tasty oxygen. It's a toughie. Not.

I am also one of those that once I have a substantial wad of cash, while thinking about all of the things I can buy with it (you know, friends, popularity, Ralph Lauren [the clothes, not the dude], etc), I am less likely to actually spend any. The more I have, the more tight fisted I become. I have learned to live with my quirks.

There's the one time I suppose I would not be cheap. That I would think about it, I have no doubt. But I think in the end I would come off the cash and even borrow more if need be. That is if the occasion arose to use a lawyer or a public defender.

I can't think of any famous, non-fictional public defenders. Marty Plotz, Public Defender to the stars. Nope, nothing like that. Neither Robert Blake nor OJ Simpson used public defenders. And I know you know what I know. And I know you think what I think. And you see where they are today. OJ, diligently searching the golf courses of South Florida for his wife's real killer and Robert Blake back in whatever hole he crawled out of in California.

On another hand, literally, sneezing sucks. You feel it building up. You feel it start on it's journey to freedom. And then you feel it's impending arrival. So what do you do then?

Well of course you lower your head a little and cover your mouth. It's the only polite thing to do.

So what then is the polite way to dispose of the handfull of snot you invariably end up with? Huh? The only reason I subject myself to the indignity of hand snot, and I mean the ONLY reason for it, is because a huge load of shirt snot is even harder to get rid of.

A chest full of shirt snot generally occurs in some sort of public setting. Nature wouldn't have it any other way. Also, and you know this is true, no matter how well you clean and dry shirt snot, there is always a glob of it lurking just out of your field of vision. Regardless of any angle you take or whether or not you use a mirror. It will be, however, visible to all others. That, my friends, is called the natural orneriness of things. Learn it. Live it.

Travelin' Ed, Out

1 comments:

Blogger Hill Billy Rave said...

Ed, you forgot about snot on cats. Realy, I don't know how that happened.

3:39 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home