Mata al contacto!!

I did not post yesterday as a favor to you. Ramblin' Ed wants you to have only the best and, well, let's just say that yesterday you were not going to get it. I had nothing to say and after several false starts just hung it up and went and watched the second half of the Steelers game I had taped. The game ended well.

It has been suggested that my job, nay, my primary job, is to keep y'all entertained. I believe it was worded as "to keep the women in my life" entertained. Well, I don't know about entertained, though I have had a few snicker before.

I have found that to "have women in your life" is to have a small, yet never ending list of things to do. It seems that blimmen (blog wimmen) are no exception. "Sing our praises", they say, "and sing them in a song." Well DUH. So here goes, and if the tune to Johnny Comes Marching Home is in your head while you read it, well so much the better:

When the blog isn't written on time again,
you know, you know
Red Queen starts sharpening her pen again,
you know, you know
She tells me get busy she tells me get hot
Then Murf jumps in and she give me a shot
And I feel so bad 'cause
the blog wasn't written on time

I worship these women, I worship them good
you know, you know
Well, really I don't but I'm thinking I should
you know, you know
Because one tells the stories and one tells the jokes
And though they're both yankees they're my kind of folks
Must not let them down
So the blog must be written on time

The blog must be written on time.

Well, there you go. Your praises in song. Another seven minutes of my life I'll never get back.

I have always liked the question "Does my ass make these pants look big?" I think it is a more honest question.

I told a girl one time, when we were joking around, "Oh yeah? Well I've seen you in your underwear. Back when it was a lot smaller." That, my friends, will put the joking around to a quick death. Some people say that I don't always know what is funny and what is not. Those people are wrong. I just don't always know what is funny but needs to stay INSIDE my head.

Murf doesn't like the word tits. I wondered, on the spot, if that included the singular tit, or just the plural. She was not real specific and the post yielded few clues to what she was thinking when she wrote it.

That got me to thinking, as things seldom do, about an old navy term. Since Tailhook it has been transformed from it's original (as I learned it) to the more politically acceptable Tango Uniform. Yep, Tango Uniform, or T U. It means something is broke, useless, flat on it's back dead. "Huh?", you say to yourself as a small amount of drool escapes the corner of your mouth, "How do you get that from that?" Simple. When something is dead, it is lying flat on it's back. Therefore it is Tits Up. Requiring minds want to know.

We also coined the term "Dead Bug", which was used mostly during Chief's initiations, and which required the selectee to flop on to his or her back, thrust his or her arms and legs straight up into the air, and flop and shake as if in the throes of painful and slow bug death. This would necessarily continue until some benevolent Chief, such as myself, would utter the command "Live Bug" and things would return to semi-normality. Perspiring minds want to know.

I think Lyle Lovette said it best when he wrote: Fat babies got no pride.

Best if used before April 2007, out
Ramblin' Ed