Hurricane name

Hurricane Bee Holder - "Jim, we are now in the eye of the Bee Holder."

Hurricane Angry Hordes - "Angry Hordes came ashore early this morning near Panama City."

Eh, this isn't really taking off for me. Maybe a good idea or maybe not. I am drinking some pretty strong cuban coffee here, like bitter syrup, really, but the brain is not fully functional.

Donald Trump fired that idiot Marcus last night. I slept especially peacefully. Coincidence? Who's to say.

I was contacted about recording CSI, and the answer is no, I did not. I was recording The Apprentice.

We played a game called Milles Bourne last night. We always used to play it as kids. I think it is French for 1,000 Miles or 1,000 Kilometers. It's hard to say with French. Basically , you are trying to drive 1,000 units, exactly, using cards with values of 25, 50, 75, 100, and 200. You encounter quite a few flat tires, accidents, stop signs, speed limits and empty gas tanks along the way, thanks to your competitors. It can move painfully slow sometimes, but we like it. I'd like to play Stratego or Risk sometimes, but don't see it in the cards, no pun intended.

I did my ergonomic physical yesterday. What a joke. A long drive for a silly game. I had to step up on a box to the beat of a metranome. But wait. First it had to be demonstrated to me how to step up onto a box. And, yes, it is exactly what you thought when you read it. Lift foot, move it forward, set it down. Repeat. Step down. Repeat process.

Then I had to pick a box up and put it on the table. That, too, had to be demonstrated and that, too, was an exceedingly simple task. The box was about ten pounds and I estimate the eight weights off to the side totaled up to another eighty pounds. I added a weight and moved the box, mentally rolling my eyes at the "test" . (I did not say anything or roll my eyes for real as I have learned that not all civilians have a sense of humor and may fire you.)

But wait... order now and you get more stupid stuff. That's right, after every lift of the box I had to be asked, "Do you feel OK and do you think you can comfortably lift more weight?" I of course said yes. "Do I have to do all of these weights one at a time or can I just toss them all in and be done with it?" As it turns out, I could put them all in at once, so I did. Basically, the drive to Plant City had me there to step up on a box, lift a box from the floor to the table, and lift a box from a table to another table. About 15 minutes. It would have been less but for all the reading, "concerned" questions and demonstrating.

And to pee.

Now it was time for my drug test. Lowes had me put a cotton thing in my mouth for 1 minute and I was done. Albertsons did it the old fashioned way, a urine test. Only problem is that I don't pee much. And I don't pee well under pressure. And when I am waiting to pee in a cup I can never be sure if I feel the twinges of having to go or if it is just a false alarm. As Popeye would say, "It's darn embarrassking."

I spent an hour and a half milling about, drinking water, bouncing up and down and watching Divorce Court, which, while most entertaining, was pretty much along side Jerry Springer on the Culture-O-Meter. The wandering husband in this case was a guy named Omar. He was funny.

Eventually I peed. The required 30 ml and then some. Like a fountian of wisdom I was. And you know the down side to all of this spouting off, right?

Yep, I got on the road to go home, all 16 miles of it, and had to piss like a race horse after 3 miles. I wasn't even out of Plant City (The nation's capital of winter strawberries) good before it started. Then I got home and had to go twice more before all the water was out of me. So, how was your day?

There will be more grand adventures today. Me and Noriko already discussed it over coffee. "What do you wanna do today?" "I don't know. What do you want to do?" "I don't know. Wanna go to the commissary?" "Um, OK. Sure." We are nothing if not master planners. We hold the keys to our own fate and are not afraid to put them in the lock of life and turn them clockwise. Or something like that.

Was that REALLY necessary?, out
Ramblin' Ed