Inner Hippie

It is July 4th. Happy Fourth day.

Everything ultimately exists in a state of flux. A flux acknowledged or a flux denied. It really does not matter our desires. Wellness and contentment visit one day and take the next one off. You are free to do about it the same thing I do...not much of anything. You cannot change karma, only offend it. That is my theory and that is my experience. And, in any past lives I may have moved through, I must have been a decent guy. Or jaybird. Or whatever.

Because, overall I feel so alive these days. You know, just full of my senses. Aware of so much warmth and emotion in my midst. I have a wonderment for that, because after all, I'm a middle aged white guy who works too much. I don't fit the warm fuzzy demographic. But most of you know, I have always had my inner hippie. Somehow I believe that inner hippie is beginning to more and more move to the forefront. Not in the hemp wearing, dreadlock growing, Phish grooving sort of way, but in a peaceful, live and let live sort of way. As REM sang about "Losing My Religion", I would record the follow up "Losing my Aggression". Losing, however, as opposed to completely gone. What can I say?

One thing that I find both amusing and a little unnerving is how easily I will get a lump in my throat. A moving dance, a heartfelt lyric, the evening news for crying out loud. I feel like I am more connected to the world than ever before. Nice. Hopefully not unmasculine. Confusing. When and how did I stumble onto this existential connection? Couldn't it have manifested itself as, say, goosebumps rather than getting choked up and teary eyed? I mean, c'mon. It's not like can just blame it on hormones. Can I?

More than ever before, I find beauty in simple things. Quiet evenings. Oil on canvas. Melodies. Sitting in the shade on a warm afternoon. Staring down a lizard on a flower stem. I want to capture the serenity that I sense around me and yet seldom even try. How could you hold it? It's a permeation, not a projection. It just is. And, I suspect it always is, just you have to slow down enough for it to be sensed. I think serenity cannot even really be glimpsed at a pace much above a meander. Luckily, rambling is very much akin to meandering.

For the record, anger and bitterness have never been a big part of who I am. But if I ever had either from time to time, they are pretty much well behind me now. Sure, I still have a competitiveness about me, though hardly the all consuming kind. And to be even surer, there are people whom I don't like. Heck, I even delight in tweaking them evey chance I get. But anger? Not so much. Bitterness? Don't have a huge capacity for it.

My cynicism minimized. Not when it comes to local, state, and national politics. But otherwise. I've always thought that, given the opportunity, most people will do the right thing. I am an inherent goodness kind of guy. Silver lining. Could have been worse. I am, in most things, quite the optimist. Things work out as long as you keep moving and don't freak out. Not exactly a mantra, but definately a personal belief. A hunch.

All of this just to articulate a realization I came to in Detroit. In a hotel room. Looking out the window at a large, leafy tree, the thoughts started to form. Later, watching someone on television dance so beautifully and gracefully that my throat lumped on me, Mia Michaels' choreography no doubt as she is so emotionally inspiring, I began to come to a full realization of what was right there, on the tip of my brain. Life is good. Live now.

My anthem: Todd Snider's I BELIEVE YOU (<--- Sorry for linking. Embedding is disabled on this one. Damn record companies. Kind of ruins the vibe of the song, when you think about it.)

I Believe You

I believe in Karma
I believe in Soul
I believe in Heaven
I believe in Rock n' Roll

I believe in wrestling
I believe in sleep
I know I ought to quit now
But I believe I'm in too deep

I believe in gangster rap
Gays and geeks and ghosts
I believe that we die
Of all the things that we hate the most

I believe that we all learn
To love before we get through
I believe in letting people
Do what people do

I believe in everything
(I Believe You)
Yes I do
I believe in everything
I believe in everything, everyone, everybody hey, hey, hey
(I Believe You)

I believe that all my friends
Really are my friends
I believe that Jesus Christ
Died for all of my sins

I believe that the devil gets
Exactly what he's due
I believe in the Beatles
I believe in my girlfriend too

Tell me what you want
... I believe you

I believe in people
White and black and blue
I believe in people
Who don't believe the same way I do

Because I know some day
Love is going to shine its own way through
I believe in letting people
Do what people do

I believe in everything
Yes I do
I believe in everything, everyone, everybody hey, hey, hey (I Believe You)

Tell me what you want... I believe you , out

Ramblin' Ed