Oznemni means "your ear's cold".
The customer is our #1 priority. They take precedence over everything else. Let them know you care. And so begins my first day in the world of retail home improvement. My feet are wet. I earned my first dollars.
Paint manager is a 22 year Marine who retired same day as me. His neighbor, retired from the Air Force also same day as us, works at the store too, although he'll go through a different orientation class. Gotta find us an Army dude and we'll play pinochle. Unless the Army guy just wants to be left alone to color.
My first interaction with a customer was memorable, if not pleasant. Thank goodness I didn't have my neat-o red Lowe's vest yet. He was a slight man, no more than 4 years old. Not very tall either, even for his age. He must have had one good tasting finger, though, judging by the way he was sucking on it and staring out the window. Staring out the window, oblivious to the fast paced world around him.
I was trying to call the wife on my cell and was heading for the exit to get outside into the warm Florida cell phone tower's glow. Just as I cleared the anti-theft pylons, I caught him out of the corner of my eye, leaning on the glass beside the door, back to me and the door, eating a finger and lost in thought.
Out of the other corner of my other eye I noticed that, after my foot had broken the electronic eye's beam, the automatic door was opening, all automatic like.
Now, using my deductive powers and my knowledge of physics, algebra, aerospace and fine draperies, I deduced immediately, and quite correctly, that the dim witted child and the large glasss door were soon going to be trying to occupy the same space. And one of them was going to find the experience unpleasant.
As the door approached the back of the child's head at a fairly rapid pace I realized that automatic doors will open completely. Not like a regular door where you control it's movement manually, once triggered an automatic door will do it's thing to completion. Dang!!
Seeing that the boy was going to take one in the back of the noggin, I hollered at him to move. I didn't want him to get hit in the back of the head like that, and my hollering at him saved him from that. Instead, wonder boy turned around and THONK! took it right in the forehead. Naturally he howled like a banshee. Naturally I apologized. Naturally mom looked at me like I had carefully placed the little moron in place and then went back to trigger the door. Naturally, they were transplanted yankees. Dang palm tree buying transplanted yankees. Dang banshee kids.
Are sun dried tomatos really worth the extra expense? And for that matter, how do we know for sure a chicken was free range? Does wanderlust have a distinctive flavor, and if so, what cheese best compliments it?
Who watches infomercials? Isn't an examination of your life in order if you'll watch an hour long commercial.
I saw this ad in the Tampa paper and I laughed out loud. NakeDan, and a bevy of female companions who are also available, will come to your house and perform nude house cleaning. Odd, but not completely unheard of. You can also get them to do nude home repair projects. Now, that's a little stranger, there. Why should I want a naked guy framing my kitchen door? With wood? Then I got to the part that made me howl. They were also available to come to your house to perform naked notary public duties! What possible scenario could there be that required a naked notary's services? In small print they allowed as how they would perform these services while clothed if requested.
OK, gotta go. Life is hectic and problematic right now. I apologize in advance for sporadic posting. It happens. And Gunner, thanks especially to you for hanging in there with me.
Refrigerate after opening, out
Ramblin' Ed
That's what I'm about. Ramblin' Ed at 5:05 AM
3 comments:
Just a thought, Ramblin' Ed... my number one son works retail... Lowes Home Centers, in fact... Electrical Dept Mgr in a large metropolitan area in Ohio... like you said, good money, good medical, good investment plan... but he went into it from a 8 1/2 hr Mon-Fri job and those Lowes retail hours (he says they use a Ouija board when doing the monthly work schedule) were a rude, rude shock to his Monday-Friday system. He thought everyone was off on weekends.
So, hang in there. He tells me it's different. :-)
I am so glad that you went to work at Lowes and not Home Depot. You are highly overqualified to work at HD. We have shopped both stores in 4 different states and they are all pretty much the same. Lowes is super friendly and super helpful although the ususally do not abuse children. HD on the otherhand is just to busy to help a customer, it is laid out poorly and their wood is just not the same quality. Hd is all we have here in our little town of Idaho but we can be heard any day that we are in town yelling up and down the isles of HD that we cant wait for Lowes to come in and put this lame store outta business.
Oh and about that cheese- I would go with a go sturdy one that holds up well in a backpack with a nice summer sausage and some crackers-Munches and wonderlust go hand in hand. And a bit of duct tape on the Nalgene for the likely blisters.
Gunner, I spent years on a ship. We also used a Oujia board type method called the "reckon bill". In other words you took about 5 minutes to write names in all the spaces with no consideration for any outside circumstances. Then you looked to make sure you had left yourself off as much as possible, or at least not given yourself any crappy watches. Then you said, "I reckon this'll do" and went off to play cards.
sk, don't guess I've ever used the words "sturdy" and "Cheese" next to each other. It reminds me of that not so flattering phrase, "she's a handsome woman". Thanks for the chuckle.
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