OMIGOSH! Look, it's a one legged fish

I have a pretty active imagination. I also like to tweak on those that live their lives based on absoloutes. And by that, I mean people who believe "for me to be right, you must be wrong" and "you're either with me or you're against me". Since I believe that we can both be right (or wrong) to a degree or that we don't have to actually agree on everything to still get along, I find myself filled with an uncontrollable urge to poke them a little bit. Some examples of my ideas follow. Only one was ever acted upon so far. And it was only acted upon because it was easy.

Target #1: Parents who piss me off

OK, you had a kid. Believe it or not, my world did not change axis. Sorry. I hate those "MY Kid Is a Perfect Brown Noser at Blue Blood Elementary School" bumper stickers. I hated those "Baby Onboard" yellow window placards even more. I countered with a very cute little doll, nailed onto a 2X4 stuck into the stake hole of my truck bed. I hung a hand made yellow placard of my own which read "Baby On Board". (Only one I ever really did)

Target #2: Political support by default

I have said many times that I hate voting for the lesser of two evils. If there can't be a genuinely good ticket, at least give us the choice of the lesser of four or five evils. I stand by my Mr. Potato Head for President statement of last year. Anyway, I always wanted to get a couple of bumper stickers and Frankenstein them together to read Bush / Edwards. Figured that'd piss off the maximum number of folks. Perhaps one, or even maybe two, would have stopped to think about it some. That would be my goal. In politics, I support more thinking and less TV ads. (It made no real sense to follow through on this one because I lived in Japan during the election.)

Target #3: People who cheapen religion

I risk that some of you will miss my point, so upfront I'll tell you I am spiritual, but quietly so. I think other than the fellowship and support of like minded people, that many things are meant to be just between you and God. When you start making up jingos and putting them on your car and t-shirt and RV, then it seems you're all about letting others know that you know that you are better than them. Churches taking out billboards like THIS is a case in point. It cheapens true faith, in my opinion. Again, my mantra, "think, act, feel" not, "Hey, look how righteous I am. Even more than you!" So I wanted to fabricate one of those car fish that everybody has. One version is a fish (or a fish with JESUS in it) and the other is a fish with legs and DARWIN in it. So I wanted to make up one that was a fish with only one leg.

See, I am easily swayed by both arguments. I can see how man could have evolved from monkeys. Especially in light of how we can kinda watch us devolving back into monkeys. But, I can also see that at some point there had to be nothing. And nothing became something. It had to before the evoloution could take place. My take is that God got it all started and also put into place the mechanism to life to adapt and get better. I don't know, but it works for me. I think I'm already getting in too deep here. Think I'm gonna bail on it.

Target #4: Agressive drivers

I hate people riding my butt on the highway like I'm really holding them up by only speeding a little bit. If I had the scientific abilities of Q, the dude behind James Bond's gadgets, I'd develop Mommy-Cam. It would be a backwards looking camera that scanned your license plate (OK, I know. But for this to work just pretend that every state issues front plates) and fed it into an onboard computer. The computer would pull up your registration, get your name and other info, crunch that data enough to locate one or both living parent and the parents' phone numbers. The parental info would be fed into one of those LED electronic banners which would scroll something like this to the offending driver: "I have called your mom at 819-555-1232 to tell her that you're driving like a jerk". yeah, that's what I'd do.

This song always kinda felt to me like the Talking Heads song, AND SHE WAS. Not the tune. The lighthearted tone.

Payne

When I was down she could make me smile
'Cause she'd been lost for a while
In a small town is where she was born
But she left there, of course

She had her points and she had her faults
She had my heart...because
She was calm in the face of the world
Payne was a special girl

So what's in a name?
Can't get enough of Payne

Turning heads in a town that knows
Beauty queens come and they go
She didn't know from cause and effect
Payne was a simple chick

She drank shots and she took 'em straight
Oh my God, that woman could drink
But she had her gentle ways
I think love was her middle name

So what's in a name?
Can't get enough of Payne

She had her points and she had her faults
She had my heart...because
She was calm in the face of the world
Payne was a special girl

So what's in a name?
Can't get enough of Payne

Ed
The Caribbean

Resealable for freshness, out
Ramblin' Ed