...SHOCKED I tell ya....

Politicians kill me. They look me in the eye and say, "I think you're kinda stupid." I didn't find the article again this morning, even though I searched for it mightily,but will paraphrase and that should suffice for our purposes here.

A female Republican recently linked to that Abramahhoff lobbyist fella and accused of pulling some strings to get some land released, sold, rezoned or something so one of Abramahoffs clients could get on with some development or another, was shocked...SHOCKED I tell ya.... to find out about it. See, it seems some of her "staff" must have been deling in political patronage, and doing it all completely without her knowledge. She was mushroom city on this one. Translation: I think you're kinda stupid.

You know what they got in Western PA that we don't got here? I mean besides folks that steal your windshield wipers. Basements. I know other folks got them too, but I don't know other folks and I choose to speak of what I know. And from basements, come great beers. Come again? Yep, there's a story.

Twas a nice day in the burg of Carnegie, PA. If you don't know where that is, just say Pittsburgh. I was staying at a house with a cop's daughter, and being as how Mr. Chief of Police was home too, and she was fixing to marry my best friend (why I was in town) and she was an only child who was completely and utterly not my type in any way, shape or form, well, let's just say she wasn't getting no trouble out of me.

The Pittsburgh area has some giant hills and beautiful views of the city and the three riveers and the city again. They also have a lot of train monuments, but I am unaware of why. The picture above is of said friend and one of those beautiful scenic views. But that's enough about hills. And views.

The basement beer. I was sitting in the kitchen and Mr. V (and I could not spell nor pronounce this difficult Polish name if I wanted to, which I don't here) and I were talking. Him with gusto and me less so. I wasn't sure why he was so energetic and I was still young enough in this life that talking to a cop at length didn't seem like a good idea. Note: I have settled down a lot since than. And the statute of limitations has kicked in on a lot, too.

So Mr. V asks if I'd like a beer. Since what I really wanted to do was just get the heck out of there, I said, "Sure." He opened the fridge, reached in, paused, bent over giving me full view of flabby cop butt in Dockers (friends don't let friends wear Dockers), and commenced to rummaging around. Finally he emerged, smiled wanly and said, "I must be out up here. I'll get one from the basement."

Which he did. Brought it back up to me. And the bottle was cool to the touch, I'm no thermometer, but it felt like 50-52 degrees. Not cold, cool. Not sure what crossed my mind, really, besides, "Dang, I'm in here with a cop", but for some reason I decided to just drink it as it was. Fact #1: It was a Stroh's. Fact #2: I removed the lid. Easily.

That basement cool Stroh's, pulled straight from the bottle was the second best beer I ever tasted. It was sweet and mellow and kinda moseyed down your gullett with nary a sharp edge to it. I was impressed. In fact, it was the best single beer I ever drank in my life until about 10 years ago, on a 90+ degree day in Kuala Lumpur, when a smooth as silk Tiger draft topped it. I was talking to a Nepalese girl, too, which one hardly ever does.

Yep. Good old basements.

Some facts on Japanese whaling, which you may have seen in your paper.

* They have on hand inventories of 2,704 tons of whale meat in warehouses. So, they intend to kill 1,530 more whales this year.
* Tokyo needs to establish reliable data on whale populations and habits, data they say can only be gleaned by killing them. (The population is dwindling partly because of their habit of running into harpoons... almost said harpons, which is a different thing completely.)
*No one really wants to buy the meat to eat because it is tough, pungent, and tastes horrible.
* Because the meat sucks, the government published a phamplet, DELICIOUS WHALES, where they ask, "Is it OK to eat whale meat?" and answer with, "Of course it is."

I'm not taking a position one way or the other. On the one hand, whaling seems unnecessary, given that people have to be tricked into eating it. On the other hand, whales could learn to swim faster when they see a boat. It's a real pickle, for sure.

POME follows:

Always Cheats on Me

I wish I was a pirate sailing the ocean
killing and plundering and living free.
I'd drink Caymen rum and fly my Jolly Roger
and grow a beard down to my knees.

I wish I was a dangerous boy like James Dean
Everybody'd know I'm misunderstood.
Wearing my t-shirts with the sleeves cut off
and dark sunglasses too.

But I'm no one that you would notice
if you passed me out on a city street.
Yet underneath these simple clothes
a wandering heart does beat.

I wish I had me a real reputation
as a modern day Don Juan.
I'd love 'em and leave 'em crying for more
but I'd sure as hell move on.

I wish that I had me a car from the fifties
chopped and lowered and painted black.
Low and mean, I'd chase the horizon
and I never would come back.

But I'm no one that you would notice
if you passed me out on a city street.
Yet underneath these simple clothes
a wandering heart does beat.

I wish I could be a man for all seasons
a shoulder to lean on, you know.
Everyone say, "What a strong man he is
with emotions that don't ever show".

I wish I could pull out this wandering heart
and hold it up for you to see.
I'd tell you it only beats for you
but it always cheats on me.

Ed
Pascagoula, MS

With my mind on my money and my money on my mind, out
Ramblin' Ed