One dozen things I know

Still not back to a regular blog. Right now I have a Math course going on and I am not real happy about that. But hey, you do what you gotta do. My life is now mellow. I like the security guard job. A lot. It's flexible and pays fairly well for a security guard job. We are comfortable.

I meet and talk to a lot of people which is perfect for me. I'm a yakker. I also stand there for 9 hours watching the bizarre goings on along a stretch of State Road 60, which used to be called Hamburger Highway for all the burger joints, but now is a low rider, giant pickup, street racing strip of foolish behavior. I just stand there and watch it all. And count Jaguar cars. 28 last night, a higher than usual number.

Some observations from the Bank Atlantic post of the Wackenhut Corp:

1. I can kick a rock pretty far. Better now than when I started. I can get it all the way across the parking lot. The secret is a low trajectory. I can get really good distance out of a plastic bottle cap, too. Particularly if it has been run over at least once. For some reason, I can get no distance out of a metal bottle cap. I don't have a theory on why plastic sails and metal fails. Sorry.

2. Puerto Ricans. Apparently, the only reason that they left PR was so that they could tell you where they're from. If you don't know what I mean, think back to every Texan you ever met outside of Texas. Yep, same thing except the P. Ricans emblazon the PR flag on license plates, bumper stickers, t-shirts, doo rags, tattoos, tailgate paintings, tennis shoes and anything else you can imagine.

3. The doppler effect on an ice cream truck's music at 50 MPH. Coming towards you, it sounds just fine. But heading away it is eerie and satanic sounding.

4. A guy walked up to the bank. His T-shirt had me rolling. It was a picture of a dachshaund's head in half profile. The text read "FEAR MY WEINER". Classic stuff.

5. The worst part of my job is the sweaty thighs.

6. There are ambulances around here and also there are these big ladder firetrucks that carry paramedics. When those big ladder truck dudes go by I always wonder, "Is someone hurt? Or are they hurt AND on fire?"

7. There is a big campain* on right now CLICK IT OR TICKET. Mother government is very concerned that you wear your seat belt and will nag you and fine you into submission. So, I wonder... motorcycles got no seat belts. Do motorcyclists get tickets? And if not, why do the folks in cars get them? Seems that the belts should be either mandatory or optional. For all.

8. After seeing some of the couples I have seen, I have revised my "Men should not be responsible for..." theory. The new one goes like this: "When they are drunk, men should not be held responsible for what they do, and women should not be held responsible for who they do."

9. Mini-Van. Gangsta persona. Mutually exclusive.

10. I hear a lot of cell phone conversations in Spanish. My translation is not perfect, but I can usually get the gist. I was hearing one that was something about somebody wanted to move into this man's apartment and they had with them a sack of concrete mix and a homosexual cat. At least I think that was it. I get the Spanish word for "cat" and "novelist" mixed up.

11. I had someone pull up in a Plymouth Horizon yesterday. I had one that I called "The Lost Horizon". It was my first car and I road tripped like a madman in it. I literally picked it up at the dealer, drove it out of the lot (in Tampa) and just kept going until I hit San Diego. Those of you who know of the Lost Horizon and the many stories... nay,not stories, legends that surround it will understand my sentimentality. For the rest of you, it was my first car and I hadn't seen one in more than 10 years.

12. There is no "I" in Team. And if you take the "I" out of "Applied", you have "Appled".

* You assumed this was an unintentional misspelling, didn't you?

I now resume my regularly scheduled fishing.

Cast...crank...cuss. Repeat. Out.
Ramblin' Ed