When you are dealing with pencil necked geeks...or, when in Mor, do as the Morons do
Here's some bits and pieces that have been rattling around in my brain a little bit. In no particular importance. I mean no particular order.
Way back in the 80's squids who were "short" would do up a small rope chain in fancy knots and hang them on their key chain, and would remove one knot each month (these were usually started at the 1 year remaining point), then when they got even shorter they re-did it and removed a new knot each week and finally got to the point where each day they would untie another knot, until finally the string was gone and they were outta here. We called those "short timer's chains/ropes/counters". On their final day, in formation for quarters, there would be a set of boots in the front rank with a hat on top of them. That would represent Petty Officer _____, who was "so short you couldn't hardly see him". I am no longer an E-4, and I am no longer in a navy that would apprieciate the tradition, so I don't expect to do that. I can, however, say 78 & WU! The first amendment lets me.
I was listening to Ryan Adams - Gold on the way to work this morning. Great songs. New York, New York. Firecracker. Rescue Blues. La Cienega Smiled. You'd think I'd be a pretty mellow fellow because of it, but Nnnnnkkkkk!, you'd be thinking wrong. I do, however, think there might be some rhyming words come out of me today.
Medical just about pissed me off royal yesterday when I was trying to check out. I never leave anything for the last minute, just in case I become impeded by one of God's little imperfections (aka other people) in my endeavors. And sure enough, I met one of God's little imperfections, who from here on out will be referrered to as GLI, right off the bat.
The scenario. Me, a happy go lucky fellow with check-out card in hand, enter the clinic. I do not see the dark cloud forming.
ME: Hi. I'd like to check out.
GLI: OK. ID card and orders, please.
ME: Orders? Where does it say here to bring orders?
GLI: It doesn't. But that's our policy anyway.
[Long pause as I walk to Personnel to get a copy of my orders and return, only to find I am now going to be helped by God's other little imperfection.]
GOLI: OK. Are these real orders?
ME: Yes
GOLI: They look funny.
ME: Because they're retirement orders.
GOLI: Oh. So, you want your record. Just yours?
ME: Me and my wife's.
GOLI: Can't pick up your wife's. She has to pick it up. Or else you need her permission.
ME: I have her permission.
GOLI: You need it in writing.
ME: It is in writing. Right in the front of her record from the last time we danced this dance.
GOLI: It's not there now. We pull them out after you return it.
ME: Why ???
GOLI: It's what we do.
ME: OK, then just call her. I have the car so she can't get here.
GOLI: I can't call. I need the form.
ME: (Heavy sigh that indicates I'm getting pretty tired of this pretty fast ) Fine. Give me the form. I'll get her to fill it out and I'll come back tomorrow to get the records. "Her" record has MY name on it and MY social security number on it and it's for MY dependent. Don't really see why we have the problem here.
GOLI: (Hands me the form, pauses, then says:) Ummm.....can't.
ME: Can't what?
GOLI: Can't bring it back tomorrow. She has to give it to us herself.
ME: If she's here to give you the @##$%# thing, she could just pick it up herself.
At this point I was sure a GOLI killing was in order. But there's rules against that, too. So I just snatched everything back out of his hands and stomped out, feeling completely thwarted. Like I said above, I'm a relatively mellow fellow, but senslessness like this makes me...makes me...well, makes me less so.
Semimonthly, out
Travelin' Ed
Way back in the 80's squids who were "short" would do up a small rope chain in fancy knots and hang them on their key chain, and would remove one knot each month (these were usually started at the 1 year remaining point), then when they got even shorter they re-did it and removed a new knot each week and finally got to the point where each day they would untie another knot, until finally the string was gone and they were outta here. We called those "short timer's chains/ropes/counters". On their final day, in formation for quarters, there would be a set of boots in the front rank with a hat on top of them. That would represent Petty Officer _____, who was "so short you couldn't hardly see him". I am no longer an E-4, and I am no longer in a navy that would apprieciate the tradition, so I don't expect to do that. I can, however, say 78 & WU! The first amendment lets me.
I was listening to Ryan Adams - Gold on the way to work this morning. Great songs. New York, New York. Firecracker. Rescue Blues. La Cienega Smiled. You'd think I'd be a pretty mellow fellow because of it, but Nnnnnkkkkk!, you'd be thinking wrong. I do, however, think there might be some rhyming words come out of me today.
Medical just about pissed me off royal yesterday when I was trying to check out. I never leave anything for the last minute, just in case I become impeded by one of God's little imperfections (aka other people) in my endeavors. And sure enough, I met one of God's little imperfections, who from here on out will be referrered to as GLI, right off the bat.
The scenario. Me, a happy go lucky fellow with check-out card in hand, enter the clinic. I do not see the dark cloud forming.
ME: Hi. I'd like to check out.
GLI: OK. ID card and orders, please.
ME: Orders? Where does it say here to bring orders?
GLI: It doesn't. But that's our policy anyway.
[Long pause as I walk to Personnel to get a copy of my orders and return, only to find I am now going to be helped by God's other little imperfection.]
GOLI: OK. Are these real orders?
ME: Yes
GOLI: They look funny.
ME: Because they're retirement orders.
GOLI: Oh. So, you want your record. Just yours?
ME: Me and my wife's.
GOLI: Can't pick up your wife's. She has to pick it up. Or else you need her permission.
ME: I have her permission.
GOLI: You need it in writing.
ME: It is in writing. Right in the front of her record from the last time we danced this dance.
GOLI: It's not there now. We pull them out after you return it.
ME: Why ???
GOLI: It's what we do.
ME: OK, then just call her. I have the car so she can't get here.
GOLI: I can't call. I need the form.
ME: (Heavy sigh that indicates I'm getting pretty tired of this pretty fast ) Fine. Give me the form. I'll get her to fill it out and I'll come back tomorrow to get the records. "Her" record has MY name on it and MY social security number on it and it's for MY dependent. Don't really see why we have the problem here.
GOLI: (Hands me the form, pauses, then says:) Ummm.....can't.
ME: Can't what?
GOLI: Can't bring it back tomorrow. She has to give it to us herself.
ME: If she's here to give you the @##$%# thing, she could just pick it up herself.
At this point I was sure a GOLI killing was in order. But there's rules against that, too. So I just snatched everything back out of his hands and stomped out, feeling completely thwarted. Like I said above, I'm a relatively mellow fellow, but senslessness like this makes me...makes me...well, makes me less so.
Semimonthly, out
Travelin' Ed
That's what I'm about. Ramblin' Ed at 3:55 PM
5 comments:
In my day it was the "Shortimer's Ribbon" - the thin yellow/blue ribbon around the neck of a Seagram's VO bottle (after emptied, of course)
But still, you recognize the sentiment.
The thing that gets me is that I can see and feel this conversation happening. It is like I have been there before and chances are good I have but with a different set of papers. . . and in a different country. -Jn
Reminds me of now. They up'd the SGLI It's automatic unless you decline. You can't decline unless you have your spouses permission. Some guy is out there thinking, "that girl is going to blow all of that money big time". Granted, in some cases it's needed.
Back to the Imperfection Twins. Do they just make the rules up as they go? If they have policies in place that should somehow be state before hand...like in an Out Process Breif or something...as sign even! Oh wel, your so short you could high dive off a dime.
So, let me get this straight... The Nav thinks that if they prohibit all of the celebration in getting out of the canoe club...a lot more men would stay in??? That is a lot like California, where it is so expensive to live that after people retire, they go somewhere else to live. So, the state thinks that if they pass a law stating it is illegal to send retirement information into California (and it is a law), that people somehow won't know any better and retire in state... yep, logical.
Pipedragger
Post a Comment
<< Home