Donald & Martha, thanks

Well, thanks to Donald Trump and, again last night, Martha Stewart, I now know it's me. I'm talking about me still not working. It has to be me.

Before I was pretty sure that in some cases I was dealing with flakes, and in the case of the government jobs, the hiring process was long and convoluted in order to keep out lazys and ignorants. Youch!, the more I deal with the county government, the more I know the long and convoluted thing is not wholly effective. And as for the flakes, well... Let me tell you a story 'bout a man named Ed, poor country boy barely kept his family fed...

I came to the realization that I am not corporate material when, as happens most every (Donald or Martha) The Apprentice show, I stated, "Yep, that Jim, he's got it going on. He's really good at this. He's going to win this easy."

At the conclusion of the show, while all the little job seeking lemmings were seated around the board room table, Martha flamesprays my sure thing, Jim, calling him, among other things, a loose cannon and someone I wouldn't want to trust to covering my back. Then she sacked his ass. You know, the guy who I thought was a lock. Now since this happens nearly every show, with varying degrees of rancor from Donald or Martha, it occurs to me that maybe... just maybe, I don't understand the corporate mindset. See, as I have said for years, TV is cheaper than therapy and eventually as effective.

I already gave my wife her main Christmas present, although I have her believing it is her only present. I got her a Garmin i5 GPS unit for the Pontiac. But it's really portable, about the size of a baseball, maybe a tad smaller, so I can use it in any car I choose to. And it talks. So I programmed in a few places that she likes to go, places she always made me drive her to before, and gave it to her.

Now she hops in th car, turns on the unit and when it asks WHERE TO?, she selects Bro Dave and it calculates her route from wherever she is. (Spoken in robot voice) In... point ... three ... miles ... turn ... left. She drove all over two towns last night. In fact she even told me, "sometimes I thought it was wrong but I just did what she (female robot voice) told me. It works good."

I wanted her to have it after I sent her down the street two and a half miles one day, she somehow managed to make a turn that was not a part of the plan, and after a while called me with this most unforgettable call:

Ed: Hello?
Wife: Hello. I don't know where I am.
E: Ummmm... well, what do you see?
W: I see a CVS drug store and a 7-11.
E: OK, I'll come find you. (Note: I am showing remarkable restraint because, and I think I can say this without fear of contridiction, that in the Tampa/St. Pete area there is a drug store and 7-11 on every single corner of every single street.)

I found her and as her way of saying thanks for dropping what you were doing and coming to find me, she scolded me for giving her bad directions. Whatever.

Another one from my run through the Caribbean:

Hint of Skin

It happened down a slippery trail
With twists where human kindness fails
You dropped your eyes for just a flash
That's all the time I needed

I like seeing just a hint of skin
You know that
Think you were teasing me again
You show that

We run from place to place to hide
Our sparks light up the evening sky
You wrapped your legs around my spine
I danced off with your spirit

I wrap my fingers in your hair
And twisting
I like touching all the clothes you wear
You're gifted

There's a ball of fire in the southern sky
Burning just like you and I
As we scratch and claw towards ecstacy
In a molten dance exploded

A slash of red becomes a smile
You kiss me
Slam your fist into the bed
You'll miss me

A slash of red becomes a smile
Yeah... you'll miss me

Ed
Caribbean

I love the line: A slash of red becomes a smile. Sometimes I really impress myself.

Smack my butt and call me Alice, out
Ramblin' Ed