Friday, January 25, 2008

The K-Tel post, It would Seem

I head off to Bangkok next Friday. I have not had a vacation since I retired. Well, unemployment is a bit like vacation, but without the job to return to. And you can't buy stuff because you're, well you know, not working. So, all things considered, going on vacation edges out unemployment as the way to go if you need to relax a little.

We have 4 suitcases packed. I have a toiletry kit, a pair of jeans that I want a street tailor to hem, and an extra shirt. Everything I am packing could fit in my briefcase with my computer. Luckily, we are carrying almost 100% things to give to others, which means that all of those suitcases will be available for the stuff we buy while there. I told the wife we can have 2 suitcases each, up to 50 lbs each. In reality, I'm a Priemer Executive member and I am flying business class. Business class buys me 70 lbs per bag and my elite level allows me a 3rd bag. I have mentioned none of this because, like a goldfish will grow to the size of it's enviornment, a wife will pack to the weight allowance. And then a little more. Let her think its a 200 lb limit. No one needs to fly with 420 lbs of stuff....and then a little more.

OK, now we need to vote in the primary. Who to vote for?? I am so tired of being bent over the table by the GOP. I am so tired of the idiotic notion that the best way to address the economic crisis is to (as Guliani is promising in FL) pass the largest tax cut in American history and increase spending. OK, when money gets tight in my house, I don't quit my job and head to Neiman-Marcus. We need eliminate all the tax breaks, make the tax code fair, and bring in enough to run the government. Less gov't, less taxes. More gov't, more taxes. But we can't have it both ways. So somebody needs to stand up and say, "this is some bitter medicine, but we gotta do it. " I think we're all adults, so tell us the truth.

I was actually going to, for the first time ever,vote democrat early on. Yes, I was an Obama Squirrel, but the more I learn of them, the less I like what I see. Looks like I will still vote republican, but it's got to be , as a kind of play on Gunner's view, anybody but Huckabee. Or Guliani, but Hizzoner is looking to be a bust, so it's not a big concern. I've had enough of candidates like them. I do figure that anybody who has been in the navy, endured torture, and told Michiganders that "the old jobs are gone and are not coming back, so get over it and learn new skills" has the qualities I admire. Now.... if there were just such a candidate. Someone who, when called an old fart, would threaten to send his ninety something year old mother over to kick their ass. Hmmmmm....if only.

All right, well I'm really not all that political. Usually. I possess the same level of political fury as a Fred Thompson. In other words, sure, I'll participate, I mean as long as I won't miss American Gladiators.

Me and my neighbor are feuding. But not to fear, no matter how you score it I am winning. Last Saturday I made her cry. I had hoped she'd swing on me (she has a sense of entitlement AND a temper) so I could call for a deputy. Instead she cried. I'll take it. So her mom wrote me a letter. We live next door, but she wrote me a letter. I wrote "Refused. Return to Sender" on it. If you're gonna be a tough girl, you need to stand up. It's as simple as that. I did not send a letter to tell her to get bent. I said that myself. With a smile, by the way, not tears. Sorry to be so evasive, but you should take away from this that I don't like her. And I'm a like and be liked kinda guy. Normally.

Videos. We've got videos.

Old Tony Joe White (As mentioned by SCOTS): I know you know this one. Bonus question - Do you understad his reference to a "truck patch"?

New Tony Joe White feeling old & fiesty:

Portland, OR Uh-huh!

Billy Joe - Black Rose

I absolutely LOVED this song...

...and this one too!!

Oh so 80's, out
Ramblin' Ed

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Money Cat & the Scurrilous Dog

"Hey... tall, dark and oblivious. We gotta pee over here." "Dude, I just woke up . And anyway, don't pee over there. Lemme get something on and we'll go outside."

Backtalk. That's what I get. I'm all about giving. And getting... getting crap. Well, crap and backtalk. Backcrap. Craptalk. Whatever.

So we went outside. You know the routine. Oh dark thirty. Grass all wet and dewy. "I gotta pee" turns into "I really feel like sniffing stuff. Endlessly and randomly". Dude, c'mon. I am cold and decaffeinated. And my feet are wet. And I thought we were here to pee. What is there about a pile of sticks that you find so irresistible, anyway? Duuuuude, c'mon!!!!

Back inside: "Hey, yo, long, tall, and pinkish. We need to talk." Huh? A summons? From a house pet? What the... "Alright, man's best fiend..." "That's friend, buttwipe." "No, that's fiend, drool master. What you got on your mind?" " Yeah, what's the deal with the yard?" "What do you mean?" "Well, why am I always out in it?" "You need some sun. Your ass is too white." But I'm on an aircraft cable." "Well, you ate through the rope." "But I'm in a fence." "That you routinely jump." "You're a homo!" "That's MISTER Sapien to you."

"And when are you gonna get me a lady friend?" ""You are the lady friend." "Oh, right. When you gonna get me a boyfriend?" "I got you one. You hate him." "Well, not my fault. He's defective." "How so?" "No yip control. Just runs in circles, yipping like a fool. S'posed to be funny, I think. But we are not impressed." "Hard bitch to please." "Deal with it, manwhich."

"As a matter of fact there, sluggo, why do you watch so much TV?" "Because I can. Why do you spend the day licking your parts?" "Because I can." "Ouch...touche." "No, not touche." "Why not?" "Hellooooo... I can watch TV too. Can you clean yourself, too?" "Sadly, no." "Well then, there you go."

Money Cat
Money Cat, Money Cat. Look at that dough.
What will you do with it? Where will you go?
"Well, I heard tell of this one place I think I'd fit in
They called it a cat house, but where to begin?"
Money Cat, that ain't no place to hang out.
"Hey,who's got the Benjamins and who does without?"
Money Cat, Money Cat. I thought we were friends.
"I don't answer to Money Cat. Now I'm Fuzz Pimp."

Fuzz Pimp don't work for me. It don't have a ring.
"Rhyme it there, white boy, embracing my bling!"
Money Cat...Fuzz Pimp.... neither one's good
Feline's ain't gangsta. The kitchen's no hood.

"You say I ain't gangsta? You say I ain't hard?
I've been dissed enough. Let me out in the yard."
Alright Mo'Cat, sorry. But hold on and think
Yeah, you're sure enough gangsta, but you're scared of the street.

"Ah...then Fuzz Pimp forgives you cuz you got my back,
plus I macked me some Friskies, so it's time for a nap."

Peace out,
Money Cat Fuzz Pimp Daddy