Thursday, May 31, 2007

So Basically....

So basically, yeah, life is good. First and foremost, AI is coming home from Iraq soon, all in one piece and without, it would seem, a major attitude. I'm stoked about that. I'm sure he's stokeder.

So basically, I am fulfilling the American dream of fat, dumb, and happy. Fat and happy come easy to me. Dumb seems to come to me gradually, creeping up and taking over. If life is like a box of chocolates, dumb is like a yard with crab grass. Or was that, life is like a box of chaw-klits? I can never rightly remember.

So basically the crappie were so big and so active that they were making the water boil in our little corner of the big old lake. The picture does not do justice to the moment. But I can bring you the picture. The moment, I fear, has passed. It happens. Took a while to figure out that they were hitting lead head jigs with a feather tail. White, with a red eye. They sure as hell weren't hitting anything else.

So basically, I am unimpressed (again) with my choices for president so far. Huckabee and Thompson interest me a little. Gingrich is a mean spirited little toad. But that is about the depth of my likes and dislikes. I wish Neil Young would run. We'd be rockin' in the free world then, with toilet paper and roads to drive. But, well, he's Canadian.

So basically, I took my lawn off of life support. I have the installed sprinklers, but the sun is so hot, my yard is so sand (which gets so hot it scorches roots), and we are so drought stricken that I just turned the timer off. I wasn't keeping it alive so much as I was making it die slower. You have grass in the front yard, I have straw. It crunches beneath my feet when I walk the dogs. I have spots where, when the dog pees, the plants think, "Hey, thank God it's raining," and suck it all up then turn brown. Yeah, I was throwing good water after bad, so I turned it off.

So basically, I haven't cut my hair in months. It's starting to get shaggy.My only problem with that is I don't hve a hair style in mind. I still (sorta) have the same short hair doo as always, but with more, and more unruly, folicles and stuff. I've always been a bit of a hippie at heart. Not a hipster. Nope. But a hippie. Except for the not bathing and living in communes. I'm not into that. Oh, and I don't care for VW busses. They're get up and go. But tie-dyed shirts, songs with sitars, and of course peace, love, and understanding. Yeah... you know.

So basically, Ed does a lot more of what Ed wants to do these days. I fish at least once on the weekends except when I road trip. I went to Jacksonville and St. Augustine this weekend. My buddy was home from Qatar. He mostly wanted to sit and talk, drinking way too much Sailor Jerry's and smoking way too many expensive cigars. So, that's what we did. The drive up and back was excellent, except for patches of love bugs, so in honor of the perfect Florididdy weather, I only played Tom Petty and Jimmy Buffett all the way up and back. Well, I slipped a Shaver CD in half way up there. But he's all purpose. And I dig him.

So basically, I'm outta here. Pipedragger busted my balls about what constitutes good TV, and he's certianly entitled to his opinion. No matter how wrong it may be! Hey, I'm smiling on the outside, but laughing on the inside and here. Gotta listen to Ryan Adams' NOTE TO SELF, DON'T DIE again.

Ramblin' Ed

Friday, May 18, 2007

Talkin' 'Bout M-manifesto

I was listening to something coming home from work. I can't remember exactly what, as I tend to wander in and out of focus as I drive, my mind moving lazily between architecture along the way, what I want to blog about (but never seem to actually get done), a nice butt on the baywalk, back to architecture, and over what I should have said in response to a snarky comment. Hey, I got plenty of time and my mind seems to, well, have a mind of it's own. We fairly well co-exist.

So wherever I exactly was and whatever I was exactly listening to, and I think I have it narrowed down to a) The Kings of Leon, or b) the radio, this line was sung and it cut through the murk and laze (laze: a haze-like laziness): "I am who the hell I am". It didn't come out as some 4 wheeling, flag waving, red necking challenge and it wasn't even particularly emphasised. It was pretty matter-of-fact, basically the same kind of feeling as when Jimmy Buffett sang, "Some of it's magic and some of it's tragic, but I've had a good life all the way."

Well I am unique you know, just like everybody else, so that realy struck a chord. How much easier it is to explain how it is that you think, what motivates you, how you determine right from wrong when you can just reach into your pocket and pull out, "We-ellll, I am who the hell I am," and then absentmindedly spit a little patooie onto the grass.

It would make it easier to explain that I am convinced that all politicians are liars and liars should be ostracised. All Florida politicians (with the possible exception of the Governor who is more a populist than anything and the jury is still out on), however, are damn liars and damn liars should be taken out back and uncerimoniously shot.

I could more eloquently enumerate the reasons I love Johnny Cash and Jason Aldean; Jordin Sparks and Katherine McPhee; Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, Johnny Lang, BB King, Jason and the Scorchers, Georgia Satellites, Ryan Adams, Andy Williams, The songs "It's Raining Men", "I will Survive" and "Turn The Beat Around". Jimmy Buffett and George Jones. Dean Martin (well, some of the time), Prince (He is too freaking funky. And cool), The Mavericks, The Mills Brothers and The Funkadelics. Dr. John, Gipsy Kings and Kenny Wayne Sheppard. I don't consider myself special in that I like many different music. I think most people do. Because we are who the hell we are.

It would make my belief guns out of control is just as distasteful as gun control, and that any kind, anytime, anywhere, just because I want to is not sound policy. Take one hunting, keep one in the glove box to ward off road ragers, sleep with one under your pillow for protection. Hospitals, churches, kindergarden graduations usually don't necessitate packing heat. And yes, I have heard the argument, but... I am who the hell I am.

I am who the hell I am because I believe:

1. Kids should get whupped for acting the fool. Twice for doing it in public.
2. Your socks should compliment your belt and slacks. If you are wearing any black, put the brown shoes back in the closet.
3. Burning the flag shows you're an idiot, but it doesn't make you a criminal.
4. I really don't care if homosexuals get married. I don't see how it really affects me. They're adults.
5. If you don't have the money in the treasury, don't spend it.
6. Politicians should post a resume. They should not be allowed to campaign. If you're too lazy to read the resume, you're probably too lazy to vote also. When they suck, we should be able to pink slip them with 2 weeks notice, but none should be able to serve more than 5 years. A good president should be retained until he quit being a good president, therefore giving him incentive to be a good president while elliminating the whole lame-duck nonsense. And unless you came from a job that paid a six figure retirement for just 2 years work, you shouldn't get one for being a public servant. Hell, you shouldn't get it then, either, since you'd have one from the previous job.
7. Whatever your neighbor is doing in his yard is OK because it is his yard. If it really, really bothers you to watch, then put up a fence.
8. In most situations, you don't get to tell me what to do.
9. If you let a guy on the TV, radio, or website tell you what you think, you are dangerous.
10. "Yee-Ha" is not a foreign policy.
11. Survivor, American Idol and The Amazing Race are just good television.
12. The Constitution was not written to infer anything and is not a so called living document. It said, "These are your rights" , and went on to list them specifically. You should note that the list is actually fairly limited. An "expectation" on your part is not necessarily a "right". And it said "The federal government shall...", and anythig that we didn't expressly say the federal government shall do it isn't supposed to do, but is to let the state's decide.
13. Santana and Rob Thomas flat out nailed "Smooth" when they recorded it.
14. Tattoos make a woman look trashy.
15. Mushrooms are a fungus and therefore not a food.
16. Dust never sleeps. It's better to burn out than to be aflame. Welfare mothers make better lovers.
17. I am less altruistic than I am too lazy to try to hammer you into submission anymore.
Anyway, we are who the hell we are. That's all I'm saying.
Who's gonna steal the peanut buter? I'll grab a can of sardines, out
Ramblin' Ed

Friday, May 11, 2007

Boring, with a capital ing

One of the reasons that the American Idol vote totals are higher this year than in previous years is that this year I have been voting. Yep. Except the show when you were calling to pledge money. I didn't do that.

Who have I been voting for, you ask. Jordin Sparks. Last Tuesday I voted 5 times. Of course, voting is as easy as hitting redial and listenng to a short Ford commercial.

Melinda Lambert put out a new cd, CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND, on May 1st. It's now May 11th and my local Broders still hasn't gotten it in. The convienence factor of my local Broders is forever tarnished.

Progress Energy raises its rates frequently. Oil goes up, prices rise. Storm blows through, prices rise. Profits dip, prices rise. any reason we can think of, prices rise. That's why it galls me every morning for that Ford F-350 to pass me every morning doing 80 mph. I mean, c'mon.
The Japanese class has worn me out. I have been all but begging for some travel. I have enjoyed the class more than most. Still, I'm pooped. I have been working about 10 hours a day with them. Plus you can add on 2 hours per day commute. I took them to eat cajun food, I took them to go fishing and then had an impromptu cookout, I went with them to Outback when they wanted to treat me, and today I am taking them to Winghouse. Not sure if Winghouse is a national chain, so think of Hooters in a different color of tiny nylon shorts. After lunch at Winghouse, I'm gonna hand them their grad certificates, shake their hands as I'm gently guiding them towards the door, and I'm coming home to a well deserved nap under the live oak tree.

Been feeding the folks' fishes while they're in Europe for a month. Yesterday I noticed both of the catfish dead on their sides, possibly with small white dots of something. I think a disease got 'em. But they looked fine the day before. I hate that, though. You know it is always in th back of someone's mind when you kill some creature of theirs that is under your care that you have done something different than they would have, resulting in, in this case, a couple of belly-up catfish. I dropped flakes and pellets from the sky. That's it. Honest.
I was gonna rename this blog Workaholic Ed. Then I realized that workaholics make the choice to work all the time. I do not exactly choose to, I just realize sometimes that I have to. Maybe something in a nice "truth in advertising" vein. Say, Forced Laborin' Ed?
Nicknames picked up with this class:
Tree King: The guy who kept puttig his lure in the trees, even though I reminded him that more fish lived in the water than in the trees.
Mr. (or Dr.) SCSI (pronounced skuzzy): The guy who kept answering, incorrectly, "SCSI" everytime I asked what type of cable carried a particular signal.
Mr. (or Dr.) TAXI: Same guy different cable. I this case, we were going to jumper to read a signal and he pulled the connector right off the cable. 2 hours, most of it crawled up inside the machine, for me to replace it. I made him hold the flashlight.
Ramblin' Ed

Friday, May 04, 2007

The Boys From Kansai & Narita

So my class this week is 3 technicians from Osaka and 3 from Tokyo. It is fun. They showed up with gifts of cookies and candies and I returned to them a fifth of Sailor Jerry's Spiced Rum. Mmmmm! Tasty. I told them it would help them study, but of course, it will not. It also will not help them get laid. It will, however, if drunk in sufficient quantity, make them "feel pretty". There. That's my contribution to international relations.

I gave them a choice of where I would take them for lunch today. I ran through a list of places, Red Lobster, Bern's Steak House, Olive Garden, etc. Then I threw out going to eat alligator. Well, you know where this is headed. Yep! We're off to eat alligator this afternoon. I will be having the more mundane red beans and rice, for I do not consider reptiles and/or amphibians to be food. I am going to try to get them to order 2 frog legs plates, a 5lb crawfish plate and 2 alligator plates and then kind of share all around.

Was taking a carload of teenagers to the 98Rock Rock Fest this weekend. Kids are idiots, just want to make that clear. Maybe not all kids, although that has yet to be proved to me, but for sure these kids. So we pull over to let them out and tell them when/where we will pick them up. Idiot A decides now is the perfect time to spray the pepper spray on my wife's keychain onto his sisters leg. Idiot B, the sister, is of course incapacitated when said pepper spray bounces off of her leg and into her eyes. Idiot C, sister's boyfriend, decides to see how close he can get me to jumping out of the car and throttling him by keeping up a running, yet whiney and completely unnecessary commentary. "Get out of the car and go to the show, or I'm going home and your mom can just take you back to Jacksonville. I'm just about done with you!!!" OoooKayyy... I have now transformed completely into my father.

Epilog: We dropped them off and drove to the flea market in St. Pete. About 2 hours later they were hot and tired. They were having to stand in line over an hour to buy water. They became whiney. Well, whinier. I told them to wait for me at Burger King and I'd pick them up. And I did.... 2 1/2 hours later. Heh Heh.

Got some pics, but no time today to post them.

Work your fingers to the bone, what do you get? Boney fingers. Out
Ramblin' Ed