Saturday, April 30, 2005

Mea culpa

Well, apparently the topic of snot resounds with everyone I know. As Buffett said, "We're growing older but not up." Generated the most feedback in a long while.

Anyway, to the mea culpa part. I gave the Appalachian Intellectual grief over him getting all stuffed up, sneezing a good one, and plastering his cat with it. I mean, how much patience does that cat have to have to have let him live after that. Cats, more so than most animules, endeavor to maintain a sense of dignity.

So how can I, a self proclaimed professional and all around great guy, write a snot inspired post and leave out any mention of the glazed cat? I'm sorry AI. Thanks for calling me on it, brother man.

Slinking, out
Travelin' Ed

Things I'll admit #22 & #23

I don't like to spend money if I don't have to. That's why the idea of bottled water is like kryptonite to me. Hmmmm. Comes from tap for free. Comes in bottle for a buck fifty. Both are 2 parts hydrogen and 1 part sweet, tasty oxygen. It's a toughie. Not.

I am also one of those that once I have a substantial wad of cash, while thinking about all of the things I can buy with it (you know, friends, popularity, Ralph Lauren [the clothes, not the dude], etc), I am less likely to actually spend any. The more I have, the more tight fisted I become. I have learned to live with my quirks.

There's the one time I suppose I would not be cheap. That I would think about it, I have no doubt. But I think in the end I would come off the cash and even borrow more if need be. That is if the occasion arose to use a lawyer or a public defender.

I can't think of any famous, non-fictional public defenders. Marty Plotz, Public Defender to the stars. Nope, nothing like that. Neither Robert Blake nor OJ Simpson used public defenders. And I know you know what I know. And I know you think what I think. And you see where they are today. OJ, diligently searching the golf courses of South Florida for his wife's real killer and Robert Blake back in whatever hole he crawled out of in California.

On another hand, literally, sneezing sucks. You feel it building up. You feel it start on it's journey to freedom. And then you feel it's impending arrival. So what do you do then?

Well of course you lower your head a little and cover your mouth. It's the only polite thing to do.

So what then is the polite way to dispose of the handfull of snot you invariably end up with? Huh? The only reason I subject myself to the indignity of hand snot, and I mean the ONLY reason for it, is because a huge load of shirt snot is even harder to get rid of.

A chest full of shirt snot generally occurs in some sort of public setting. Nature wouldn't have it any other way. Also, and you know this is true, no matter how well you clean and dry shirt snot, there is always a glob of it lurking just out of your field of vision. Regardless of any angle you take or whether or not you use a mirror. It will be, however, visible to all others. That, my friends, is called the natural orneriness of things. Learn it. Live it.

Travelin' Ed, Out

Friday, April 29, 2005

Stop. Oh yes. Wait a minute Mr. Postman.

I have been out of the country a while. I'll admit it.While I do know all about Desperate Housewives and Robert Blake, there are a lot of things happening in the shadows that I am unaware of. Confusing things. Disturbing things.

I have to ask you, are the woods gone? Have all the trees been removed, replaced by Starbucks and Home Depots? Seriously, I don't know.

See, I ask you that to ask you this. What's up with Smokey the Bear!? You know, the sexy bear in jeans and no shirt, and that cool drill seargant hat. Well, he used to get all sad/serious and let you know, in that Barry White-ish voice of his, that "Only YOU can prevent forest fires." Remember that, right?

Is that what he says now? I'll answer that. No. It is not what he says now. Now he says, "Only you can prevent wildfires." What does he know that I don't know?

Get back to me.

Travelin' Ed

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Why I hate laws:

Because they're generally stupid, that's why. Moses brought down some decent enough laws and I try to abide by them. When I was younger, the wife coveting thing was a little difficult, but seems to be getting easier as we all get older.

The crap that really burns my hide are the ones commonly called "nanny laws". The ones passed for our own good that serve no good purpose in real people's lives but put a serious kink in mother nature's efforts to cull the herd via natural selection.

If I choose to do, or not to do, something that is good or not good for me, well, LEAVE ME ALONE. As long as I keep it out of your yard. And no, stuff that hurts, kills or annoys others are not OK. Examples:

  • Drunk driving on the highway. NOT OK.
  • Buying contact lenses without first visiting the extortionist, I mean optometrist: OK
  • Smoking in an elevator: NOT OK
  • Having smoking bars or resturants (much the same as the concept of gay bars or vegetarian resturants): OK
  • Selling herion at school: NOT OK
  • Selling Coca Cola in school: OK
See, this is pretty common sensical in my mind. Just live and let live.

Now, I already think we are way too regulated at home. Too many people getting offended over too many little things and imagined slights for starters. Too many lawyers and lawmakers for another. Now they have found yet another way to piss me off. Here, copied right off of CNN dot com:

Last September, the Treasury Department Office of Foreign Assets Control tightened its prohibitions against U.S. citizens importing or consuming Cuban cigars. Even Americans licensed to bring back up to $100 worth of Cuban goods are no longer allowed to include tobacco products in what they carry. The regulation also noted that Americans are barred not only from purchasing Cuban goods in foreign countries, but also from consuming them in those countries.

I mean...WHY?? Personally, I think Cuban cigars are over rated and over priced. But if I'm in Colombia, or Hong Kong, or South Africa, drawing on a tall cool mug of the local draft and decide to enjoy a cuban cigar from the humidor in the corner, you won't know it. So how is it enforceable? And why do I have to break the law to do it? Laws should stop at the border. Period.

And another thing, dagnabit. If keeping hard currency out of Castro's hands is the goal, and it seems to be, then what, pray tell, is the economic difference between bringing in $100 worth of pillows or $100 worth of cigars? Seems to me to be in the same vein as the old riddle: Which weighs more, a pound of cement or a pound of feathers? People, what am I missing here?

Street vendors sell cuban cigars in Cartegena. Coffee shops have tables on the sidewalks. I have enjoyed the warm afternoons and pleasant evenings in Cartegena. Now I ain't saying I did anything illegal, but I ain't saying I didn't either.

Gleg, out
Travelin' Ed

Yep, I've watched my share of Oprah

I was perusing the pages of The Neo-Libertarian today and ran across this interesting tidbit. And if you go there and find it too, you'll see just how far down the page I got. Although, to be fair, I stopped right after this article.

It takes four tons of coal to provide the power needs of one inhabitant of Chicago's Lake Shore Drive for a year. A few ounces of uranium could cover the same need. There is also the damage to the environment. The central hypocrisy of the green movement in our era is that anti-nuclear policy has driven the U.S. to use the hydrocarbon fuels so much opposed by the anti-global warming movement. Or, as Huber puts it: "If we had simply built all the plants that were in the pipeline at the time of Three Mile Island, then we would have reduced current coal combustion sufficiently to satisfy the Kyoto treaty."

So, basically, really, global warming is caused by environmental activism.

I agreed with a lot of stuff on the site and not with some of the rest. I think that when it comes to politics, I'm like the book "He's Just Not That Into You". (Yep, I've watched my share of Oprah.) I used to be so sure of my political affiliation. Now it's more of a political confliction and I wish Mr. Potato-Head was a candidate so I could stick on the stuff I like and pull off the stuff I don't. Arrrggghhh! Don't want to vote for any of 'em, and scared not to vote for someone. How can selecting the lesser of two evils be a good thing? Did I already mention Arrrggghhh!??

Diluvial, Out
Travelin' Ed

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

This is Dad. Yep, surely makes me proud. You know what they say, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Or bush. Or whatever a pineapple plant is. Posted by Hello

Well, it seems Mom has kinda "gone native". But seriously, those guys don't look real Hawaiian to me. Look kinda New Yorkish or Bostonian. Hmmm, wonder what they're tryin' to pull? Posted by Hello

Mmmmm....flamingos. Remember David Allan Coe? He had a line that went "....Got a dead flamingo wrapped around/ this cowboy hat I wear". Posted by Hello

Monday, April 25, 2005

Danny Joe Brown, RIP

Not sure exactly how old this is. Less than 3 months, I think. It's from a clipping Dad mailed me this week.

Tampa Tribune
Danny Joe Brown, 53, the lead singer of the Southern rock band Molly Hatchet, died of complications from diabetes in Davie,FL. In 1975, the Jacksonville native joined Molly Hatchet, named after a Southern prostitute who allegedly beheaded and mutilated her clients. Brown was frontman for its self-titled album in 1978.

He's in the promised land now, and it looks a lot like Gator Country.


An oasis of common sense

Once again, Italy leads the world:
"In Turin it will be illegal to turn one's dog into a ridiculous fluffy toy," the city's La Stampa daily reported.

Fleet Reserve Counter:
157 & WU

Contractile, out
Travelin' Ed

Nong (front & center) and the rest of the Thai mafia in Kamakura. Not sure who the white chick in the back is, but does she seem a bit "big boned" to you too? Posted by Hello

The next door neighbor kids. 1/2 Japanese and 1/2 Aircraft Carrier sailor. It's the bird farm sailor in 'em what makes 'em look so dainty and girlish. Freakin' airdales. Posted by Hello

The cigar porch. Where great stuff gets wrote. Posted by Hello

My car. The one on the right. A Nissan Laurel Medalist. 1996. $2,000. Posted by Hello

The clock in my office. Trust me, I need it. Notice that local time is a day ahead of everybody else. Posted by Hello

Sunday, April 24, 2005

As if & Akin (Did you say bloated oratory?)

I have decided to speak more properly the language of my people. I don't intend to get all stiff and formal, like reading a novel in old English, but still, a more correct usage. This post will be short, free of all the bloated oratory that I normally throw in to compensate for the smallness of my ..... well, of my whatever it is that might turn out to be smallish. But not freakishly so, mind you. Lord, I'm already starting to renege.

For instance, gone from my vocabulary is the phrase "It's raining like a big dog." I shall still use the same sentiment, only it will be phrased thusly: "It is raining as if a big dog." Oh sure, I could go all overboard and foppish and say, "It is raining, falling from the sky as if and akin to a large canine", but why? That really just sounds stupid.

Thank you for your support in my ongoing attempt to better myself. Homeys.

Last thing. I watched the entire season of DEADWOOD over the weekend. Other than being insanely profane in the matter of dialog, it was engrossing and quite entertaining. Apparently the west was tamed by a bunch of cursing drunks and marginally appealing whores who run around wearing only their knickers. And, as far as I'm concerned, Calamity Jane is nothing more than one illiterate, drunken trainwreck with the foulest mouth of them all. Didn't care for her much. She was kinda the Jar Jar Binks of Deadwood for me.

Postulant, out
Travelin' Ed

Friday, April 22, 2005

Drive By Blogging

Hola, compadres. This is some stuff I found that made me smile as I was checking out other people's blogs. Don't try to make any sense of it or see a pattern. Just "NEXT BLOG" stuff. I will try to credit each blog I stole from so they don't get too mad if the ever see this. My favorite is at the end. In green. Green for good.

My inner child is 4 years old. And he needs a nap. - Travelin' Ed

I'm a blond, brown-eyed girl who loves the Lord with all of her heart.
- Kirsten, you blog therefore you bore. I'm sure she's a nice girl, but what I posted here is all she's had to say. And it was all pink.

expect boredom
- Heck, I should have thought of this!

Mally McNally
Location:United States
A 22 year old who is extremely intimidating.
- I gave this dude full credit because a) he is extremely intimidating (or so says he), and b) He posted my favorite snippet so should get credit for his work.

I stole both of these from him. I liked his sense of humor. So, thanks Mally.
Runner up:
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind. - Deep Thoughts, Jack Handy

Best of show: You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?

Travelin' Ed

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Too Too April To Zero Zero Five

Today as history:

Wife turned 34 today. (Ha! I still got her beat by 11 years.)

161 & WU

Regnum (Regnum? Dang near killed um), out
Travelin' Ed

Perfectly Good Guitar

If you recognize that title then you know what's coming.

Yes, I recognize that most of y'all don't really care about this kind of stuff, and those of you that do are probably just being polite. I also recognize that this here is my blog, writ in my own blood, tears and fingernail sweat. So,in the immortal words of Leslie Gore, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you." Well, no, her words are not germane to this particular post but they're still cool.

John Hiatt is a singer songwriter. He looks tall on a CD cover, but then Tom Cruise don't look short on a movie screen. It's all relative, I think. But anyway, I'm sticking with John being tall or at least tallish. OK, inclined to tallness, and not the kind of incline that means leaning. He doesn't tuck his shirt in, either, which is how you know he's cool. I'm tuned into stuff like that, so you can trust me.

So the first album of his I heard about was called BRING THE FAMILY. I was going to buy it til I thought to myself, "Dude. That sounds boring. And not in the way that means to drill a hole." So I didn't buy it.

Hippy Dippy Sidetrippy: Gelatinous blob is fun to say. As long as you get the first word pronounced correctly. I was thinking about that today while I was looking in the mirror. Strange what kinda stuff will pop into your head out of nowhere.

But I still kinda liked the idea of John Hiatt (the person as an indefinate conception) so when the CD PERFECTLY GOOD GUITAR came out to good reviews I bought it. And I'm glad I did. It was, and is, way too cool for school, fool. "Shut up!" "No, you shut up." ( I am nothing if not a cliche.)

Second sidetrippy fo da hippy: The spellchecker at blog dot com, thinks the word blog is a misspelling., not quite. Oh yeah! Ironic, huh?

So, from the first note and on through the first 5 songs or so it grabs you by the throat and shakes you. Shakes you good. Like a camel should. And the ballads. Man, the ballads are so soulful. The lyrics are magnificent. Summarizing summary: Ah likes it. (Someone once referred to Burl Ives in print as a mighty balled singer. I think it was a typo.)

Again, realizing that you really don't care and may not even still be reading (say amen if you're still reading), I offer up the lyrics to one of my favorite cuts on the disk. If you're having trouble with it just contact me. I'll be glad to hum the tune for you. No, don't mention it. It's what I do. Kinda. 867-5309...Jenny, Jenny, who do I turn to?


I've been taking off and landing
but this airport's closed
And how much thicker this fog is gonna get
God onlyknows
Just when you think that you've got a grip
Reality sneaks off, it gives you the slip
as if you ever knew what it was
takin' you down the line

Tearin' through the cotton fields and bus shelters

of the south running helter skelter
Down through the Mississippi Delta
with no place to call your own
Mixing up drinks with mixed feelings
All along the paint was peeling
Down to an Indian blanket on a pony
with no rider in the flesh and bone
lookin' for his Buffalo River home

I've been circling the wagons
down in Times Square
Trying to fill up this hole in my soul
but nothing fits there
Just when you think you can let it rip
you're pounding the pavement in your daddy's wingtips
As if you had someplace else to go
or a better way to get there


Now there's only two things in life
but I forget what they are
It seems you're either hanging on a moonbeam's coattails
or wishing on stars
Just when you think that you've been gypped
the bearded lady comes and does a double back flip
And you run off and join the circus
yeah, you just let that pony ride


--John Hiatt, Tallish songwriter, PERFECTLY GOOD GUITAR, 4th cut

Thanks for coming along. See you tomorrow. Same Bat time. Same Bat channel.

The views expressed in this article are solely mine and are not yours. Nor do they necessarily reflect the opininons of you, your neighbors, 7-11 employees (full or part time) or the consevative gestapo that is steadily forming. They do, however,make me laugh maniacally. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Millefleur, out
Travelin' Ed

Quotes morf amarutuF

Ask not for whom the bone bones. It bones for thee. -Bender, Futurama

The one commandment, GOD NEEDS BOOZE - Bender, realizing he is God to the Shrimptonians

Look, do you want false hope, or not? - Crazy gypsy lady

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless.- Frye, in a moment of lucidity good chum.- God, the real one

See, Bender was shot out of the ship because he was sleeping in the torpedo tu
be. Floating forever helplessy in space, he passed through an asteroid field and was hit by an asteroid populated by Shrimptonians, really, really small little dudes. They acknowledge him as God. Make sense now?

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Really P.O.'d

Note: The red parts are meant to denote anger. This story is all true.

Man, am I pissed off. The internet at work is shaky, but then the poor guy in charge of it is IT Administrator only because we waved a magic wand and said "POOF! You're a system administrator", not because he has any experience or even asked for the job. I pity him and cut him some slack.

My internet at home is going into it's second day down, also. Sometimes it glitches, and being a radar/computer/electronics guy myself, I realize that "sometimes it just does that" is an honest and most valid answer. So yesterday I just shrugged it off and came in to work. I figured it'd be back up when I returned so no real harm, no foul. But I figured wrong.

"No problem. Easiest thing in the world.", to quote that dude from the movie The Ladykillers. I'll just call Americable and ask them what's up. (Please note that up until this point I have been my normal, understanding, mellow yellow self. That will change.)

I'll spare you the blow by blow, but let it be known that for 6 hours yesterday and 30 minutes this morning I conversed with a machine, when I conversed at all, and got ZERO satisfaction. First you get a machine that gives you a menu of 2 options. Pressing either option hands you off to a busy signal 99 out of 100 times. This in itself is a little strange because it is true, even long after their stated working hours. Is this to give the impression that they are so dedicated that they stay at the office 24 hrs a day fielding phone calls?

On the 100th time a pleasant machine man comes on and tells you that everyone is very, very busy doing important stuff and that if you will kindly leave your name, number and a brief description of the problem, someone will get back to you soon. Now, see, this last part is a damn lie and the reason for my pissed offedness. They don't get back to you at all.

This morning, after recieving repeated busy signals on all numbers, at 3 AM, I finally got through to the manager's machine. He politely stated that he was not at work right now but rest assured that even though he may be home sleeping, he was dreaming about stellar customer service and, by the way, if the problem was internet connectivity I should address that by pressing 2.

"I will NOT press 2!!", I screamed into the phone, "I've been pressing 2 for two friggin' days now. I have had it with busy signals and answering machines. I will come by the office this morning instead, since you seem to have designed your help line to shunt us off, I'll make you tell me to go away in person. I just want to know if your whole server is down, in which case I'll be patient, or if it's my modem or cabling, in which case I want to schedule a trouble call. But quit asking for my name and number. It pisses me off to keep giving it to you when you have NO INTENTIONS OF FOLLOWING THROUGH! Change your message and stop the lies. Get on the ball over there."

I mean to tell you, I got pretty animated, but the one thing that really pushes my buttons is lip service covering up bad service. If you're busy and don't have the time or manpower to return calls, just say something like "We're unavailable at this time. Please try your call later." It's a little disappointing, but at least it doesn't give the impression that they'll be calling you back, now does it?

I will be visiting their office in an hour. It's literally right next door. I hope I can remain civil (I usually do) and avoid being escorted from the building by a couple of burly security guards. Well,....OK, there are no security guards, but there IS a receptionist. And she's kinda burly. Well, not really. Fine. I'm easily manhandled. Are you happy now?

Chiasmus, out
Travelin' Ed

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Ooohhhh...more CRAP

Randomly presented:

Tell people something they know already,and they will thank you for it. Tell them something new, and they will hate you for it.

Proof that there is a God:
A two-hour prime-time special on the wedding of Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich, who were cast members on CBS' "Survivor All-Stars," will air May 24 (9 p.m. ET), the network announced Tuesday.
"Rob and Amber Get Married" will document the planning, the bachelor and bachelorette parties, and the wedding ceremony, which was held Saturday in the Bahamas.

I'm part of the first group, but not the second group:
Opera says it has 10 million users of its previous browsers, but only 100,000 have paid 34 euros ($44.08) for a version excluding advertisements. Most others use a free version.

Damn! And I was on my way to being really healthy:
ATLANTA, April 19-A few drinks a day may not stave off the cardiologist after all, the federal government has warned.

You gotta go to this here link:
Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K

And one more link, but this one is rude. Really rude. (You've been toad)
Accessory package #2a: Power steering, moon roof, cruise control, and.... This is the most ultimate truck accessory around.

Fleet Reserve Counter: 163 & WU

No trees were killed in sending this message but billions of electrons were inconvenienced.

Sophist, out
Travelin' Ed

Lazy bowl. Pointy little eeewwww!

Sorry for the lazy posts. Poems and pictures are my refuge when I can't keep up. Just been a lot going on. Fer example:

After wasting a whole day in driver class, and acing the written test, I went to get my license re-instated. When he realized that I needed it for less than a year, the same peckerhead that told me I must attend class told me it wasn't necessary for that short of an amount of time. Bureaucrats are the same in any language.

I think today I have finally finished visiting all of the Japanese agencies I needed to get rid of my car. Buying and registering was a snap. Keeping it up to date was a breeze. Getting rid of it has been the endeavor from hell. It all has to do with recycling, actually, but is still a PAIN.

My wife is going under the knife today in Bangkok.She had an appendectomy 3 years ago and has had abdominal pain ever since. The doctors here can't find anything, but then there are only 3 doctors for 11-16,000 women, so they can't spend a lot of time pondering and poking. Since medical care is fairly advanced (for those who can pay, anyway) and her whole surgery and hospital stay is only 45,000 Baht ($1,100), I loaded up her credit card and told her to go for it. Hopefully they'll find and repair something. It'll cost her 4 extra days in Thailand, so she's coming home the 29th instead of the 25th now.

The Japanese moving company came yesterday and scoped out my home and belongings so they would know what they were getting into in July. I thought that was a pretty good idea. Then the housing folks came and cleaned all my A/C filters. Since that was all the folks I was expecting for the day, I poured some fresh, piping hot java, grabbed a nice Flor de Ybor City cigar, gathered up the paper and headed to the cigar porch to enjoy a fine spring morning. Then the doorbell rang. I answered it as I feel it is rude to not answer if you are home...and I didn't even check the peephole first, because I lo-o-ove suprises. A little man I did not recognize smiled and said to me in fairly decent English, "I bring your furniture." "My loaner furniture?", I asked. "Yes." "But I don't need that until July." "Noni (Noni is Japanese for huh?)...Ju-rye?" "Yes, July." OK, long story short. I took him to the housing office and we squared it away. The request was put in in April, so they just assumed the delivery date was April 19, or yesterday instead of the actual date of July 19. I know, Gee...what a BORING story. But more importantly, it was trivial. And pointless. Look, my days ain't as exciting as yours, OK?

Internet was down at home all morning. I was going to post pics of my abs and buns of steel. Of course, it would look more like a bowl of jello and some old cottage cheese. Eeeewwww. The mental image is just horrifying.

Got no idea what I am doing here, but I knew I owed you some words what I made up off the top of my pointy little head. And I did that. Good day.

Lickspittle, out

Travelin' Ed

Monday, April 18, 2005

Hello-o-o-o, and welcome to the Monkey Boy Emporium. I'm Vincent, and I'll be your primate for the evening. Banana please. Or a cigarette. Posted by Hello

Me and my neice Marisa. She's still young and and her affections can be bought off with candy and 100 Yen toys. Therefore she thinks I'm pretty cool. She lives in West Palm Beach, so I figure it's inevitable she'll grow up to be a crazy honker just like all the rest of them down there. Posted by Hello

We were on I-10 driving east, either in Mississippi, Alabama or the Florida Panhandle. Nong, the Redneck Bhuddist, was sitting there beside me. I picked up my camera and, using it much thesame as I do my opinions, I took a shot without aiming first. It came out pretty good, I think. Posted by Hello

Some stuff I like

I fell asleep once during sex. It was quite embarassing. When I woke up I had run up an $800 phone bill. - David Letterman

Ever heard of Pam Tillis? If no, skip this. If yes, you'll soon find out she has very little to do with what I'm fixing to say, but at least those other losers are gone. I was reading an interview with her and she said she liked this new guy named Todd Snider. So I bought his CD, "Songs From the Daily Planet". He has a song on there called "Trouble" that has a line I really like: "When a woman like you walks into a place like this/You can almost hear the promises break". That's it. That's all I wanted to say about it.

I bought and watched the movie "The Warriors" this weekend. The gangs were pretty lame, but they were in '79 too. All in all it held up pretty well over the years. I watched "Purple Rain" 11 times, but I'm not sure what that has to do with anything. Really, I just wandering now.

I also really like movies with the Chinese actor Chow Yun Fat. I love THE REPLACEMENT KILLERS and THE CORRUPTOR. I also enjoy BULLETPROOF MONK, though not as much. He is so stylish and cool.

This has one of my favorite double entendre's in it. I had fun writing it and I think it's unfortunate you won't have the same fun reading it. But we must, as nature intended it, weigh my happiness against the happiness of others. Somebody is going to have to be disappointed. It happens.

Picture a Hill on Fire

I've never called when you're coming.
You've never come when I've called.
You've gone on and on about nothing.
But I didn't catch it all.

Picture a fire on a hillside.
Then picture a hill on fire.
A picture of me face down, and baby,
that's the last time
that you're gonna see me smile.

How come you keep pointing fingers
like you've still got something to prove?
Take this for whatever it's worth now
but I ain't got nothing to lose.

Maybe you don't understand me.
Maybe you don't even try.
Maybe you cry your eyes out for me.
Or maybe you don't,
maybe it's just goodbye.

Take a look at my heart in the mirror.
It don't reflect no light.
It don't bounce back from a heartache too well,
but I never thought it might.

Maybe you don't want to hold me.
Afraid that a spark might grow.
From knocking our rocks together.
Well maybe one time,
but that was so long ago.

Maybe you don't understand me.
Maybe you don't even try.
Maybe you cry your eyes out for me.
Or maybe you don't,
maybe it's just goodbye.

Yokosuka Japan

Saturday, April 16, 2005

A crazy decorated car. A car decorated crazy. Crazy, a decorated car. A car decorated, crazy. (I think I'm done now.) New Orleans, Planet Looziana Posted by Hello

It's a jungle out there. Nong is attacked by Tigger. Posted by Hello

This is me and Nong in Brandon when we went to visit the folks...and before I got her all rednecked up. I printed this one out 8X10 for our wall and would use it for our Christmas cards, if we did that kind of thing. Posted by Hello

Dazed and confused...and dazed....and confused...

I got this from a person who I thought was a pretty good friend. It really took me by suprise because it seemed so angry. And it came right out of the blue. I was shocked. Shocked, I tell ya. It seems he took offense at my Countdown to Fleet Reserve counter. Now I know he has ties to an organization that is a lot like the military, namely the Army, but still, he should understand the sentiment, not spit venom. So, before we go any further, perhaps you shold see the post for yourself:
I don't mean to be rude, but, what the world needs now is new words of wisdom like la la la la la...what the world needs now is a new folk singer like I need a hole in my head.
BTW, God gave you life, so get out of mine, and take your sorry ass back to Florida!(165&WU?)You bring us down.
Don't take it personaly Ed, we can talk it out over a cup of Joe and you can look deep in my eyes like a super model.
See? It was strong. AND THE SUCKER CALLED ME A SUPERMODEL! That's mighty low.

OK, so I write him and ask WTFO? The O, for those of you wondering, is for "over", like you'd say at the end of a radio transmission. Next day he responds.

Seems he had quoted some lyrics in an earlier post and I chided him that they were too easy. So homeboy sends me other lyrics from other songs I've never heard of and references them to the various parts of my blog...without, by the way, saying something like, "Oh yeah, well figure what songs these are from..." or something to give me an idea* of what he was doing. That's cool. Seems he got me good and I can laugh ** about it. Just wish it was as easy to call off the hit I took out, but you know how hard crack addicts are to control. C'est la vie.

* The cop in Ohio pulled Travelin' Ed over for being a little heavy on the accelerator. He come trudging up to the window and looked me over long and slow. Then he said, "Got any ID, boy?" "Idea 'bout whut?", I responded.

**Travelin' Ed's tips to improve your life. #73: If you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at others.

Slammin', out
Travelin' Ed

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Fleet Reserve Counter

168 & a WU

Incipit, out
Travelin' Ed

This is now a political blog. Hoo yah

I have decided to move this blog in a different direction. From this point on, I am going to wax poetic on my thoughts and conclusions of politics, policies and all things Capitol Hill. I hope that soon, through my powers of reason and persuasion, to bring you in to my fold, so to speak. That you will see it my way and come over to my way of thinking.

Politics: I'm against them.
Politicians: I'm against them.
Policies, strategies and (most) laws: I'm against them.
States rights: Mostly for them, except when they start getting stupid.

Thank you and please, join me.

Politics-- Opiate of the masses. Travelin' Ed---The anti-drug *

* OK, so I took some liberties...sue me.

Travelin' Ed

Hot Patootie, as soon as I get paid*

Well, sk likens herself to fire that I poked with a stick. Cool. I'm a lot like road kill what got poked with a stick. So what do we have in common? The stick, duh.

She sends:

Handle With Care, Blister in the Wild Thing-

Handle with Care- Traveling Wilburys
Blister In the Sun- Indigo Girls
Wild Thing- Steppenwolf

Mine are:

U can't touch this, Mrs. Robinson

U can't touch this- MC Hammer
Mrs. Robinson- Simon & Garfunkel

Puffy little shoes, the good life

Puffy little shoes- Presidents of the USA
The good life- Bruce Robison

I'm a man of constant tube snake boogie

I'm a man of constant sorrow- Soggy Mountian Boys
Tube snake boogie- ZZ Top

The fools we are as sharp dressed men

The fools we are as men- Ryan Adams
Sharp dressed man- ZZ Top

Let's go crazy, mama's got the know how

Let's go crazy- Prince
Mama's got the know how- Doug Kershaw

Getcha ya some plastic seat sweat

Getcha some- Toby Keith
Plastic seat sweat- Southern Culture on the Skids

Did I shave my legs for a sweet transvestite

Did I shave my legs for this- Deana Carter
Sweet Transvestite- Rocky Horror Picture Show

Dammit Janet, you're the boss

Dammit Janet- Rocky Horror Picture Show
You're the boss- Brian Setzer Orchestra

My kinda woman is big in Japan...As soon as I get paid

My kinda woman- Pirates of the Mississippi
Big in Japan- Tom Waits
As soon as I get paid- Keb Mo

Dang!, this is a lot of work. And folks, ol' sk has another one waiting in the wings. Anyway, c'mon. Add your own.

* Hot patootie- Rocky Horror & Soon as I get paid- Keb Mo

Travelin' Ed

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Lemme tell ya: The sk story

Remember the assignment America I gave you guys? Well, none of you did it!!

However, let me tell you about sk. I've known her since forever. She cooked me my first omlette, something she has repeatedly reminded me about over the years. She, like most of the other women that have wandered into and out of my life, became my good friend. I make friends with a lot of women. Being friends is preferrable actually, since the restraining orders, harassment suits and stalking charges eventually become tiresome when I choose to try to be "more than just friends". I am nothing if not a slow learner. Don't let my nickname, Fast Eddie, fool you.

She has also been sending me songs with a monkey theme. Unsolicited, too. Aaahhh yes, a warped woman is good to find. I would normally tell you stories from our high school days about now, but she actually grew up to be quite the respectable woman (I know, who'd have thunk it?) so I'll just keep them as fond memories and spare her. But I will say this, I was pretty mild and introspective until I met her. And look where that's gotten me....

Anyway, sk did my Assignment America, except that she didn't do mine, she made up her own. Blew me away for two reasons. 1) I find that kind of thing to be quite disrespectful. No, I mean it. And, 2) Her idea was wa-a-a-y better than mine. All I could do was say "Whoa, yo. That's a good idea bro*." So, let me share her e-mail with you. Then, you can either add your own entries using the comment function or e-mail them to me and I'll post 'em proper.

I did your homework assignment a bit differently but then what is new there- my twist on life is always with lime please!

Imagine two songs by different artists who share the title and must share the lime light as they sing together-hmmmmm these are all songs on my play list.

Stuck Inside Of Mobile With Tweeter and the Monkey Man
Stuck Inside Of Mobile With the Memphis Blues- Bob Dylan
Tweeter and the Monkey Man- Traveling Wilburys

Stuck In the Middle With Cross Eyed Mary
Stuck in the Middle with You- Stealer's Wheel
Cross Eyed Mary- Jethro Tull

Smells Like Big Fat Mama
Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana
Big Fat Mama- Pinetop Perkins

Wild Women Don’t Get the Blues Pissing In the Wind
Wild Women Don’t Get the Blues- Lyle Lovette
Pissing In the Wind- John Prine

Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep- An Acceptable Level of Ecstasy
Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep- Dr. Demento
An Acceptable Level of Ecstasy- Lyle Lovette

Fart Doctor I Wont Back Down
Fart Doctor- Dr. Demento
I Won't Back Down- Traveling Wilburys

So this is kinda fun. I will discover more as I play. Your turn!

I will say that I'm having a pretty hard time with this. I can't think of too many of the songs I know. And then they have a tendancy to sound kinda gay when I do, for example:

When Johnny comes marching home again I touch myself
When Johnny comes marching home again- Traditional
I touch myself- The Divinyls

Yankee Doodle Dead drunk and naked
Yankee Doodle- Traditional
Dead drunk and naked- Drive By Truckers

Panties in your purse: The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
Panties in yor purse- Drive By Truckers
The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald- Gordon Lightfoot

Oh hell, this could be really, really fun. Think I'm gonna have to make me a list. Thanks, sk. You're trippy.

Badinage**, out
Travelin' Ed

* Yes, I'm still all about "the street".
** Whoa, dude. This totally random actually applies. Look it up yourself.

Putz can't putt putt

I'm a scofflaw. I'm living out on the fuzzy edge of society. I am without any real redeeming qualities. Why? Because I had to remember the 3 year anniversary of a random date and didn't.

7 March is the date. It's the date I got my drivers license from the base drivers license office. It's good for 3 years, but no reminder is issued. You just gotta remember it. Used to be you had 3o days grace period from expiration date to renew it. Now, they have changed it to "up to 90 days prior" to expiration. And how do you know the policy has changed? By going down to the office and seeing it posted on their bulletin board, that's how.

Yep, we all routinely say to ourselves, "It's such a pretty day outside. I think I'll head on over to the drivers license office and see if they've made any exciting new rules changes." And since I didn't do that, I'm now without a valid license.

So tomorrow I gotta waste the day sitting through the Welcome Aboard lecture (after 11 years here) so I can hear the part about how important it is to drive safely (again), so my name will appear on the muster, so I can schedule a written test that I gotta pass so I can schedule a driving test, so I can regain my 3 year license that I will only need for 3 months, so I can register my car and get the base sticker I need so I can come in to work everyday and rub elbows with these pinheads. Yeehaw!

Life should really be more user friendly, don't you think? By the way, they have the concept of left turn on red. But there has to be a sign saying that you can. Unlike our right on red which is automatically allowed unless a sign says not to. So, as I have travelled all over this fine country, want to guess how many signs I've seen saying left on red is permitted? Uh, ZERO.

Fuming, out
Travelin' Ed

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Steaming in formation doing a live fire. In navyspeak, that's a MISSILEX. Posted by Hello

The Commanding Officer re-enlisting the Chief B'osn Mate on the anchor. B'osn was my pinochle partner and now I live in his old house. Hmmmm. Posted by Hello

SM-2 from an aft verticle launcher system (VLS), therefore this is not Vinny. Posted by Hello

SM-2 from the aft launcher. USS Vincennes. Posted by Hello

A cave I found on base up in the woods. This used to be a Japanese ammo base during WWII.  Posted by Hello

This in a small farm pond in Coats, NC. When I would fly to Virginia for conferences I would always beeline it down here to go fishing with my best bud. Life is really good because he just moved back to Brandon, too. We can be fishing buds full time now. Posted by Hello

Nong just got back from N'awlins. She's bringing some football Mardi Gras beads to mom. I rednecked this girl up pretty quick. Note the NC State ballcap.  Posted by Hello

Monday, April 11, 2005

Pale Blue Sky

Me and DLE done this one when he was up in Coats, NC and I was in Virginia for a spell. It was, and remains, the only bluegrass song we ever did. It does, however stand pretty doggone well on it's own. I have removed the chorus here because, while it worked really well in the song version, it interrupts the rhyme scheme when read as a poem.

Pale Blue Sky

If you ain't got lovin' and you ain't got time
You ain't got nothin' to ease your mind
If you ain't got nothin' to ease your mind
Then there ain't no reason to be denied

I went to the mountain and I climbed so high
I was knocking my head against the pale blue sky
Laid out cold I awoke to find
I was wrapped in the arms of a strange desire

Suddenly I'm thinking what a subtle innuendo
Angel got the smile but she hasn't got the halo
Hasn't got a halo and I'm wondering why
Wonder why she hasn't got no wings to fly

Wasn't for the pain, wasn't for the glory
Wasn't for the pleasure, it wasn't for the stories
Wasn't but a minute by the way she smiled
Wasn't no explainin' that strange desire

I've fallen in love and I've wandered astray
Been a simple mind from the very first day
From the very first day been a smoldering fire
In the hidden places a touch inspired

Angel and me spin our own little swirl
Halo high water she's one hell of a girl
Been from the dark to the sun to the sky
To the scene of the crime to a strange desire

Tried to lock her up in a silver cage
Smile come to fade in a terrible rage
Terrible rage rode the wind like fire
The winds was whipping the flames up higher

If you ain't got lovin' and you ain't got time
You ain't got nothin' to ease your mind
If you ain't got nothin' to ease your mind
Then you might best leave this world behind

Portsmouth, VA

Sunday, April 10, 2005

AVP wrocks

Alien -vs- Predator was a lot better than I expected it to be, despite the copious drool. Something it might be handy to know sometime.

Fleet Reserve Counter: 172 and a WU

Semi-monastic, Out
Travelin' Ed

What [he] is looking for is not advice

First,some interesting stuff of dubious value:

Interesting tidbit #1: Even when he [a Narcissistic Legend in His Own Mind] goes through periods of depression, during which he talks about what a terrible person he is, what [he] is looking for is not advice on how to do things better, but someone to reassure him of what he knows in his heart -- that he's just fine the way he is.Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D., pages 141-142.

Interesting tidbit #2:"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
HERBERT SPENCER, reportedly printed in Principles of Biology, London, 1864-1867

And now, the fun stuff.

10 word combos I have not yet googled®:

10. Medium shortfall
9. Fictitious supposition
8. Positional morality
7. Sprouting fizz
6. Khaki lawn dart
5. Caloric end zone
4. Matrimonial grass
3. Enzyme autobahn
2. Gelcap espresso
1. Pizza spawn

Henbit, out
Travelin' Ed


The storyboard:
1. Sat in recliner sipping FHJ (fresh, hot java) and watching David Letterman on my HDD recorder.
2. Unbeknownst to me, I fell asleep.
3. Awakened to "firey crotch" syndrome*
4. Screamed, did a most ungraceful dance That cosisted mostly of hopping around and cursing.
5. Hoped I had learned my lesson, yet somehow knew I had not.

Cannikin, out
Travelin' Ed

* Firey crotch syndrome occurs when you are loosely holding a cup of FHJ while sitting or reclining, fall asleep and uncerimoniously pour that FHJ into your unsuspecting lap. The effect is made all the worse by the fact that it takes just a second or two for your mind to snap off what has happend and that quite actually IT BURNS...OH, IT BURNS SO BAD!!, thereby allowing maximum burn damage to occur. Got it? OK, learn it, live it.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Nothing needs to be said. Just beautiful. (Click to enlarge) Posted by Hello

A park on base next to Briggs Bay. We let the locals come on base during Cherry Blossom Festival weekend to picnic under the trees in our parks. They come in droves. Posted by Hello

A drive down a residential street in Zushi. Posted by Hello

Travelin' Ed sez: "As you can see, my remarkable rapport with the fairer sex continues." Posted by Hello