Be afraid. Be a tad bit afraid...

I like Netflix. I like Shania Twain. One more than the other, and likely not the one you suspect. Netflix is a good idea, though they should do a slight bit more QA on the DVDs they send out. But I do like being able to get Shania Twain and Lucinda Williams and AC/DC concert videos to watch without having to buy them. It's pretty good. As for Shania, she's pretty. Good, too.

We used to canoe. (Reminds me of a punchline: I talked to a couple of local girls, they said OK. But what the heck is a panoe?) We would paddle to the end of our backyard lake when we lived in NC. The other end of our lake was the far end of town. Not that the lake was that big. The town was that small. It was a papermill town out in the boonies.

Once to the other end, we would get out and carry the canoe across the road, across one lady's yard, up and over the railroad tracks and down the other side, and into the swamp. Same swamp/creek we used to swim in. There we would paddle and ponder and talk, and swim, and pee off the side, and fish, and ponder, and talk, and swim some more. Swamps truely are great places to be a boy. And we'd fish some and pee off the side, if I had not already mentioned that.

And sometimes we would take a couple of jon boats along and play pirate wars where we splashed and jumped and tried to sink each other's boat. Last boat more or less floating was the winner. They never sank completely because of the styrofoam up under the seats. Plus there was a pirogue out there chained to a tree. We'd bust the chain and use it too. Then we'd put it back. We never stole it, so we always wondered why he kept buying new chain for us to break.

A lesson we learned, and we got a pretty good scare out of it too, was don't canoe in a creek through the swamp after heavy thunderstorms. Because, although it seems wide enough in normal times, when it slips it's banks and merges with the rest of the swamp, well... let's just say that padling through the trees all looks the same. We got way off course a couple of times and thought we may be lost. Not a good feeling. Swamps are chock full of critters and we were pretty respectful (scared) of them all.

We would finally come out at a bridge for US 74 or US 76, can't remember which, and call mom to come get us in the station wagon. Distance traveled by swamp: most of the day. Distance traveled by road: three miles, maybe. Anyway, color TV was still new, cable TV was not offered and only Dick Tracey had a cell phone, so we'd hoof it off to the nearest store to call mom. About a half mile there and a half mile back. Good times.

So when I was older and moved to Florididdy, I still liked to canoe. We found a place where we could drive and park. The outpost would rent us a canoe, drive us way up the Alafia River to where it was literally a few feet wide and a few inches deep and drop us off. We could get back in a day, but usually camped out over night and came back the next. The Alafia was still pretty wild and there was very little development. So you saw woods, and armadillos, and deer, and alligators, while safely sitting in your canoe communing with skeeters.

It was for sure the best of times. We were young and lean and tanned and chock full of no responsibilities. We had girlfriends and gas money. And time to do what we wanted. We called it boredom, but now I know that boredom is getting up on a sunny day, putting on a button up shirt and heading for work... and walking right past your canoe and fishing rod in the process. That's a bone weary boredom.
So, while paddling down the Alifia we did routinely encounter gators. Mostly up on the bank sunning, but occasionally floating along like driftwood. Most action we ever saw was a gator eating an armadillo like a jalapeno popper. That was sort of unpleasant. And fascinating.

Our biggest problem was the snakes. You'd get to trying to navigate around a couple of obstructions... the Alafia was full of fell down trees and sand bars... and get turned sideways. Then you drift sideways up under and into low hanging trees. Aarrrghhh, you're getting twigs in your ears and spider webs on your face, and quite often, and I mean quite often, find yourself eye to beady little eye with a tree dwelling snake, causing you to perform a very unsightly and uncoordinated looking jump, hop, flail, push-off motion to try to put some distance between it and you. Mostly it felt like you were moving in slow motion and you were sure that any minute the snake was going to lunge for your jugular and you, lying prone on your back across two canoe seats like you were, were not going to be able to do a thing about it. We were not particularly brave for the outdoorsy types. I just snapped off on that.

There is more to the story, but responsibility calls. I have a dentist appointment and then a job application to drop off in Tampa. Au revoir, adios, see ya later.

It don't make no sense, this common sense, don't make no sense no more, out
Ramblin' Ed