Bent tits

I got this e-mail from a friend yesterday. At least I thought she was a friend.:
Today is National Disadvantaged People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I've done. I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm animals, vote conservative, or occasionally shit yourself.......You hang in there sunshine, you're special.

Well, I had promised, on a lark, that I was going to see Ahnold Swartzenegger while I was here. That seems a bit unlikely as I am here in Discovery Park with a view of the Sacramento river on one side and a view of downtown on the horizon on the other. But I am convinced, and I am NOT pulling your leg here, that I lunched beside John Laroquette at IHOP yesterday. I am certian it was him. I was an avid fan of both of his shows, THE JOHN LAROQUETTE SHOW and NIGHT COURT so I am sure of what he looks like. He seemed pretty unassuming, really, but with an air about him. I was, however, a bit confused about one thing. Something that made me wonder if I was looking at just an ordinary citizen who was a dead ringer for John Laroquette. There, on his belt, beside his cell phone, hung one of those bone handled hunting knives in a sheath. That seemed a bit un-Hollywood to me. But still.... I think it was John.

If you never saw THE JOHN LAROQUETTE SHOW, he was an alcoholic running a bus station. He had a placard on his desk in place of a name plate that said "This Is A Dark Ride". I thought that was the coolest. It was dark, ironic humor, but if you know me then you know I'd rather think and laugh together. Obvious comedy is a bit boring. But when you sit there for just a second before you "get it", the joke is that much more effective. I think that's why I like shows like Studio 60 and Ally McBeal. Although Ally McBeal also had some hot girls on it. And a lot of singing. Apparently, I like singing too.

I had an intermediate car reserved for my stay here. Hertz tried to give me a mini-van. I of course asked how I could have a car reserved and them not have it. I left the whole Seinfield routine about "I know what reserved means, sir" [High pitched Jerry] "I don't think you do!" [Canned laughter] as implied, since it was late and we were both quite tired. He tried to compensate by offering me an Expedition instead, but that suited my needs even less. So I am now driving around in a surprisingly nice Toyota Sienna.

Sorry. Tales from the road will continue sporadically. I just had to get the John Laroquette (that name kinda sucks to be typing repeatedly, but just saying John seems too familiar) sighting posted. I knew you'd be as breathless about it as I am.

Don’t sing with a fake British accent.
Don’t act like your family’s a joke.
Don’t worry about losing your accent,
a Southern Man tells better jokes. Out
Ramblin' Ed